


Dare You to Move

by MBL2307



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is kinda've a jerk, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Basketball Player Alec Lightwood, Dark Past, Drowning, Evil Asmodeus, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Foster Care, Gay Alec Lightwood, Gun Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt Magnus Bane, Injured Magnus Bane, Inspired by Naley, Inspired by One Tree Hill, Introvert Magnus, Jock Alec Lightwood, Lesbian Lydia Branwell, Loner Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane & Clary Fray Friendship, Magnus has a dark past, Minor Character Death, Out of Character Alec Lightwood, Out of Character Magnus Bane, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Rich Alec Lightwood, School Shootings, but he changes for Magnus, grumpy Magnus, loner Magnus, player alec, popular alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26697727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MBL2307/pseuds/MBL2307
Summary: High School A/U - based on Naley from One Tree Hill - with twists.After years of bouncing around, it was the longest he'd ever spent in one place. Almost four years in the small town of Alicante, and although he has gotten used to it, and it's definitely the best living conditions he has had in his almost 18 years on earth, Magnus still couldn’t stop himself from counting the days until he left the place.Robert Lightwood, the mayor of Alicante, used to be the star basketball player at Alicante-High, and was now living out his glory days through his son. Since he was very young, even before he could walk or talk, Alec’s house was basketball driven, it was never a question of “if”, but more of when he will start playing - which was as soon as he could.What happens when a cruel bet bring the two boys together?
Relationships: Lydia Branwell/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 175
Kudos: 232





	1. Monsters Stuck In Your Head

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there my Lovelies, I'M BACK!
> 
> So I've had a few chapters of this story written for quite a while now... I actually wrote them even Before "On the Road" & "Strap-On", but Had set it aside for different reasons. Now I'm finally ready to start posting this story! YAY!
> 
> Please Make sure to read the tags, there are some dark themes. it isn't very explicit, but I've rated it so just in case.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately I don't own any of these characters, they are based on Cassandra Claire's.
> 
> please check out the end note for a link to a poll I created for my future fics :P
> 
> So without further Ado... let the journey begin!

_ Your heart hits like a drum _ _  
_ _ The chase has just begun _ _  
_ _ Monsters stuck in your head _ _  
_ _ Monsters under your bed _ _  
_ _ We are monsters, oh, oh _ _  
_ _ We are monsters, oh _

**September 2012**

Magnus looked out the backseat window as they passed by the townhouses and small business, he watched the small town people begin their day, exchanging pleasantries and smiles, just like out of a scene from a goddamn Hallmark movie. He is going into his 5th year of living in the small town of Alicante, where everyone knows everyone, and literally no one can keep a secret. 

Well, maybe except for him.

Over four years in the town, and although he has gotten used to it, and it is definitely the best living conditions he has had in his almost 18 years on earth, he still couldn’t stop himself from counting the days until he left the place. It was the longest he had ever spent in one place since he was five, growing up in Indonesia. Perhaps after years of bouncing around, it had become a force of habit, the need to move around and not stay stuck in one place for too long.

He is vaguely aware of the conversation going on in the car, but does his best to tune it out. Magnus has never been a morning person (and usually kept to himself also any other time a day), and thankfully he is left alone to his own thoughts. It has taken a while until they learned to just let him be, but eventually they reluctantly grew accustomed to his lone-wolf nature.

They used to try and get him to talk, open up about his deepest and darkest secrets, not only in hopes of growing closer and making him feel comfortable with them, but also as a way to help him ease the pain and all the burden they assumed lay on his shoulders. They even tried to send him to therapy, but have quickly learned that he was not one to talk about his problems. 

At 14, he had been through more than most people suffer in a lifetime, and just like he always had, he preferred to keep it all in between the borders of the walls he meticulously built up. He spent a long time shoving them down deep inside, and then blocking them out, never again feeling the need to resurface them, and even when he did (or more like, when they creeped up or attacked him on their own accord) - it was always in the privacy of his own company. 

There were less than a handful of people that knew what he had been through, and most of them knew only because they had been there to witness it. But none of them were around anymore, either gone or far away. But that was okay, because the less people, the less attachment, the less pain.

If you never expect anything from anyone, if you never get attached to a place or the people in it, the easier and cleaner it was to get in and then get out. Harmless and painless - just the way he liked it. And people just left him alone, allowing him to be a loner, just like he always was. It was what he was good at, keeping to himself and being invisible.

And most importantly, it’s for the best, for the safety of the people around him.

  
  


As they pulled up to the curb outside the small high-school, Magnus was the first one out of the car. He shut the door behind him and took a few steps forward, as he looked up at the building in front of him. Alicante-High. 

“Just one more year.” He muttered to himself under his breath, unable to prevent the bitter feeling that grew in the pit of his stomach. He would have graduated at the end of last year had he not been kept back a year, but alas, that is the unfortunate fate of a foster child who jumped between more homes (if you could even call it that) than he can count.

Clary, the ginger energy bomb, said a cheerful goodbye as she exited the front seat of the car and jumped to stand beside him, wrapping her arm around his shoulder, eliciting a barely noticeable flinch, which quickly disappeared and he allowed her arm to remain. “Have a great first day!” Luke called from behind them. Clary turned back to smile and wave at him, as Magnus just started walking up to the front doors, waving his hand without looking back.

A couple of months before his 14th birthday, there was an incident in the foster home Magnus was at at the time. It was in a horrible neighborhood in a terrible town not far from Alicante. It was by far the worst home he lived in (and that is definitely saying something), he was planning to run away.  _ They  _ were planning to run away, when it all went down.

But just when they thought things couldn’t get any worse - they got worse.

As the county detective, and the best one at that, Luke had shown up at the scene and found Magnus. Terrified, cold and covered in blood. 

As soon as he saw him, Magnus tried to run, but Luke caught him, and against all odds - he never let go, no matter how much of a fight Magnus put up. He brought him home with him, enrolled him in school, and together with Jocelyn and Clary gave him something he never thought he would ever have - a real family.

For the first few months he was terrible, acting out in any and every way imaginable, expecting to be sent away yet again. But Luke and Jocelyn never gave up on him, and eventually he grew to trust them. And although he had a hard time letting them in, he became part of the family.

Clary rushed to his side, still way too cheerful for the early hour. “So, how does it feel to be a Senior?” she asked, as they walked up the stairs leading to the school entrance.

Magnus glanced at her, “that much closer to getting out of here.” he replied, not unkindly. He actually really liked Clary, she was probably the only person in the school that he could tolerate. She was also the only person he had allowed himself to get close to and open up with, but even with her - it was never all the way.

Even if he had any desire to expose everything, she probably wouldn’t be able to handle it, or like what she saw.

The first year at the Garroway household was rough and he basically bit her anytime she tried to get close. But just like Luke and Jocelyn, she was adamant on breaking down his walls, and her persistence proved to him that she actually cared. She knew quite a lot of his secrets, and she never loved him any less for them, she accepted him for who he was and never made him feel like he needed to apologize for his ways.

But that may also be because she didn’t know everything.

“Well, one day we’ll both take over New York city, but for now… small towners it is.” Clary announced just as Simon walked up to them.

“Good morning my fellow Junior!” He greeted Clary cheerfully as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and then turned to Magnus and wrapped his second arm around him, oblivious to the burning under Magnus’ skin at the touch, “and good morning Senior!”

Magnus got out from under his arm almost immediately, doing his best to hide his wincing, by rolling his eyes and walking ahead of them as they spoke in excited tones. Magnus wouldn’t normally befriend Simon, but seeing as he seemed to come in a package deal with Clary, and usually he did mean well (and was fairly harmless), he just gave in to Clary’s pleas and played nice, or at least neutral.

But that definitely did not mean he was allowed to touch him. Even the three people he now called family, barely could, learning the hard way that Magnus couldn’t stand it. He almost snapped Clary’s wrist once, when she innocently tried to hug him, when he had just arrived at their home. With time it became tolerable, but never pleasant or comfortable.

“So homecoming is coming up and-” Clary began in a mock causal tone as they stopped by their lockers.

“No.” Magnus cut her off sharply, opening his locker.

“Oh, come on Mags, please, it’s about time you-”

“Nope, not happening.” He cut her off again, pulling out the books he needed.

”Magnus, man, you can’t break up the golden trio!” Simon spoke up in his annoyingly cheerful voice.

“We are no such thing.” Magnus glared at him with a pointed finger, he then shut his locker and walked off to his first class of the day.

**...**

What an idiot.

How on earth had he allowed them to convince him to come? They did not leave him alone, they were relentlessly driving him absolutely insane until he finally gave up and agreed. But even then he did not actually count on going, he was planning on coming up with a way to get out of it at the last minute, maybe pretend to be sick or something.

But Clary was not having any of it. After two years of trying and failing to convince him to go, she was not willing to give in to him anymore. She basically pulled him by his ear and shoved him out of the door, going on about it being time he finally got his head out of his ass, or something like that.

“Fine.” he eventually conceded, “but I am not wearing a tux!”

“Come in your pajamas for all I care,” she told him, and Magnus was tempted to that, just to show how much he couldn’t care less, “but there is no way you are getting out of this.” he had rolled his eyes at her, and then watched as her features softened and she sat down on the bed next to him, “Mags, I have never pushed for this before, I’ve always accepted what you’ve asked for,” she said in a soft and warm tone, “But seriously, I’m worried about you, and I really think it’s time you start opening yourself up to people, to all these experiences, start being a real teenager.”

.”Look, I appreciate it, I really do, I know you care, but that’s just not me,” he told her, his tone uncharacteristically warm, “this is who I am, and I just don’t feel the need to invest in those things.”

He didn’t tell her that it wasn’t his choice, that he never even had a real chance at being a normal teenager because of the cards he’s been dealt. But that was not a conversation he wanted to get into.

“ _ Those things _ are what help you feel like you belong in a place, but no matter how long you’ve been here, despite the fact you know no one will be sending you away any time soon, you keep acting like you don’t belong here, you just won’t allow yourself to make this your home.” Clary doesn’t release his gaze, making sure her words had sunk in. 

“I do feel at home here.” He insisted, but clearly couldn’t fool even himself.

“Then start acting like it.” she told him, her tone becoming more harsh. “Because right now it just always feels like you have one foot out.”

Magnus closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, then sighed as he opened his eyes again, “Clary, let’s not do this now.” he pleaded, he may feel comfortable with her and she may be the only one he actually could open up to, but he still hated talking.

“You never want to talk about it.” she snapped, standing up, “You’re lucky we don’t have enough time.”

**...**

So there he was, at freaking Homecoming, watching from the furthest corner seat he could find, as Clary and Simon danced along to trashy pop music. Of course they had tried to convince him to dance as well, Simon still going on about his golden trio nonsenses, but no matter how much he loved dancing, and could put everyone there to shame, he was definitely not going to go anywhere near that dance floor, especially not with that crappy music.

Clary had tried to get him to wear a tux, despite his initial conditions for coming, but he refused profusely and she eventually gave in. she should consider herself lucky he even went, and even more so that he didn’t end up coming in his pajamas. 

So he put on his tight burgundy skinny jeans, a black V-neck shirt with some holes in the hem and over the collar bone, a black leather jacket, and black leather studded boots, then immersed himself in joy upon seeing Clary’s eyes roll when she saw his outfit.

“You know it’s a crime that you’re just sitting here, when you should be out there showing off your moves, right?” Simon asked, as he and Clary approached him, both red faced and breathing heavy from all the dancing they did.

“I think your dancing is a crime.” Magnus replied, as he scratched at his black nail polish.

“You could at least try.” Magnus looked up as he heard Clary’s words, spoken in slight anger. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, but couldn’t bring himself to feel bad, as she had basically forced him to come, even though he profusely told her he did not want to.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” he spat out.

“No, not really.” she bit back, sharp and quick as a whip, then turned to Simon, “Let’s go get some punch.” Magnus watched them as they walked away without another word. He hated disappointing Clary, she was the only person in the world he felt like he actually wanted the approval of, but could never allow himself to go there, not really, not all the way. 

He refused to seek out anyone’s approval, not even hers. 

It was about two years ago when he finally realised that he actually was there to stay, that they were not going to get rid of him, that he was not going to get beaten or scolded for being who he was, or for just merely existing. So within the boundaries he set, he allowed himself to express himself the way he always wanted to, not caring what anyone else had to say about it. Perhaps it was also his way of protecting himself, a perceptible representation of his defenses and walls.

Fortunately, they had not commented when he started gradually changing his wardrobe, dressing in skinny jeans, leather, waist-coats and crazy t-shirts. They did not make him feel uncomfortable when he changed his hairstyle, shaving the sides and using gel to style the rest of his hair up or in an undercut, finishing it off with different streaks of color. And they just accepted him as always, when he started wearing eyeliner and different colored shadows on his eyes, and nail polish.

Finally he snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Clary screech, immediately standing up and searching for her in the crowd with his eyes. 

Out of anyone in the world, Clary would probably be the right person to spill your drink on. Not because she deserved it, far from it, but because she was the sweetest and most understanding person, who would take those sorts of things with a stride, and never make anyone feel bad about it. Which would probably also make her the last person you would want to spill your drink on.

Magnus sat back down and watched as his sister had finally got her meet-cute with the guy she had been drooling over and pining for, for the past year. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but he could see the way she was in awe with the boy standing in front of her, leaving Simon ignored and standing off to the side, bouncing on the balls of his feet awkwardly. 

Jace Wayland smiled at his sister, and mirrored the same awe in his own eyes. They had both picked up some napkins, but were not making any advances towards wiping her dress, too busy being caught up in the moment.

Magnus was happy for Clary up until the moment she invited Jace to sit with them at their table, which in turn filled their table with more people than Magnus wanted to interact with. Jace was more than happy to accept her invitation, and extended that invitation to his adoptive sister and brother, who unfortunately also came with his girlfriend.

Alec fucking Lightwood, the one person in the school that Magnus tried to avoid more than anyone. They had barely ever even spoken to each other, even though they were in the same grade, and going to such a small school meant they had every single class together. Alec was absolutely perfect, in every way, and unfortunately Magnus couldn’t ignore that, no matter how much he tried.

Apparently, despite his walls and many defenses to keep him from feeling anything for anyone, it seemed he wasn’t impenetrable as he thought. He may like to pretend he has no heart and feels nothing, but even he can’t deny (in the confines of his own thoughts, of course) that the eldest Lightwood stirred something in him.

Ever since he first saw Alec on their first day of Freshman year, he couldn’t get those stupid hazel eyes out of his head, and that stupid pretty rich-boy face of his, and that perfect basketball player body with all its height and muscles and all its glory.

Ever since that day Magnus was gone for him, and despite all his efforts to suppress it, he couldn’t prevent or stop the huge crush he had on the boy for three years already. But Magnus would never act on that, of course, not only because he had no desire to get attached to anyone, but also because the boy was clearly straight with his beautiful cheerleader girlfriend. Lydia Branwell.

The positive side to the whole thing was that Clary was too distracted to pay him any more attention, thus he could slip away without receiving the stink eye from her. So without even a word, he stood up and thanked the lord for his precious ability to go unnoticed, and departed from the table without so much as a glance backwards.

**...**

He stepped out of the overly decorated gym, into the night's fresh air and crossed the street to the small playground on the other side of the road. Magnus seated himself on one of the swings and pulled out his tobacco, then rolled himself a cigarette.

He could hear the footsteps behind him as he took his first lungful of smoke, but he did not turn around. Magnus did not budge in the slightest when he heard the voice that spoke next, but he was surprised when he heard who it was.

“You shouldn’t be smoking here.” the oh so familiar voice said, causing Magnus to feel things he didn’t want to be feeling.

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.” Magnus replied without turning around, then took another puff from his cigarette. When the other boy did not speak again, but still remained standing behind him, Magnus continued in irritation, “What do you want, rich boy?”

“I just needed to get out of that gym.” Alec admitted, stepping closer so Magnus could see him in his peripheral vision.

Magnus took another puff from his cigarette, then looked up at him, “why? Isn’t it exactly where you’re supposed to be?” he asked, his tone slightly mocking.

“You think you’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?” Alec asked, sounding slightly amused.

Magnus looked him up and down and snorted, “you’re not too difficult to decode.” Magnus told him matter of factly, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

Alec smiled, his iconic irresistible lop-sided smile, and Magnus wanted to slap it off his face. He hated himself for the effect it had on him, wishing that stupid boy could just leave him and his feelings alone.

“And what is it exactly that you think you have decoded?” Alec asked, crossing his arms and looking more amused than angry for being judged.

Magnus took another puff from his cigarette, in an attempt to buy him some time - to come up with a good answer or for Alec to retract the question. What had he gotten himself into? Such a stupid, stupid boy.

“Star basketball player, who lives in the biggest house in town, with his rich parents. You walk around like you own the place, which let’s face it, you basically do, and that just makes you even more popular of course, and we all know you love all that attention.” Magnus could barely recognize his own voice as he spoke, willing himself to shut up, but unable to.

The one time his mouth had decided to be talkative, just had to be with him.

“Oh, and let's not forget the beautiful cheerleader girlfriend.” he added, daring to look up at Alec again, surprisingly, his amused smile had not faltered.

“You know, for someone who walks around acting like nothing gets to him, and despises all the fake hypocrisy going around, you seem to be doing a lot of judging yourself.” Alec finally spoke, taking another step closer to him, making Magnus visibly flinch and gulp.

“Just pointing out what I see,” Magnus managed to say in a weak voice, “which is what you asked me to do.”

“What you said, is not very different from anyone else in this high-school, or in this whole town for that matter,” Alec still doesn’t sound angry, maybe just disappointed? “Everything you seemed to notice is just surface level, nothing no one else can see.”

The annoyingly gorgeous boy then leaned forward, too close to Magnus, so close that he could smell his intoxicating after-shave, so close that he could feel his warm breath brush against his skin, causing it to tingle rather than burn.

“If you took a moment to get down from your high and mighty horse,” he whispered into his ear, causing chills to run up and down Magnus’ spine, “You might actually see that you have decoded nothing.”

And with that, the beautiful annoying rich boy stepped back and then walked away, leaving Magnus shell-shocked and frozen in his place on the swing.

*******


	2. I'm That Bad Type

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Lovelies!  
> thanks so so much for all the kudo's and comments, they're well appreciated!
> 
> I am back with the second chapter... and I really hope you enjoy it!
> 
> PLEASE READ THE TAGS, I have added a few more to make it more clear. I know that both Magnus and Alec are written out of their usual character, it is part of this story which is FANFICTION.

_So you're a tough guy_ _  
_ _Like it really rough guy_ _  
_ _Just can't get enough guy_ _  
_ _Chest always so puffed guy_ _  
_ _I'm that bad type_ _  
_ _Make your mama sad type_ _  
_ _Make your girlfriend mad tight_ _  
_ _Might seduce your dad type_ _  
_ _I'm the bad guy, duh_

**September 2012**

The fresh breeze of Autumn filled his backyard court, as he bounced his ball expertly, practicing a few drills around the asphalt, before throwing the ball from the three point line. Alec’s smirk, which appeared as the ball went through in a swish shot, quickly disappeared when the ball hit the ground and bounced up into his father’s hands.

His father, who had just come back from a run, bounced the ball a few times and scored a basket as well, smiling smugly as his son retrieved the ball.

“I’m so proud of you, son.” Robert announced, grabbing Alec’s water bottle from the corner of the small court and taking a large sip, then with an amused grin, he added, “at this rate, you might actually have a chance to beat my score record.”

Alec tried to hide his eye roll with some dribbling, then threw the ball in a jump-shot and scored another basket, hitting both the board and the rim, causing him to almost miss the shot. He cringed and released a frustrated groan, then caught the ball when it bounced back to him.

“Try loading the ball lower.” his father instructed, and Alec grit his teeth, as he went on, “it will help you with your jump-shot, make it more consistent and give you more range.” he signaled for Alec to pass him the ball, and when he did, his father demonstrates, “here, like this.” he said, “watch carefully.”

His father demonstrated the perfect jump shot, instructing as he went, “try to tap your elbow to your hip, it will also help with the chicken wing.” Alec watched as patiently as he could, biting the inside of his cheek so he didn't snap at his father.

Robert Lightwood, the mayor of Alicante, used to be the star basketball player at Alicante-High, and was now living out his glory days through his son. Since he was very young, even before he could walk or talk, Alec’s house was basketball driven, it was never a question of “if”, but more of when he will start playing - which was as soon as he could. 

Robert had always been bitter and angry because he lost his shot at becoming an NBA basketball player, because his wife (who was then his girlfriend) got pregnant with Alec when they were just seniors in high school, so he had to give up his dreams to become a father, which Alec will probably never live down.

A few years ago though, Alec discovered that when they were in college, his father did go back to playing, but suffered a knee injury that prevented him from ever playing professionally.

So now Alec was stuck with him as his private coach.

“You see what I did there?” Robert asked, as the ball bounced back from his clean shot, then passed it back to Alec, “here, try it again.”

Alec swallowed his pride, and ignored the strong urge to throw the ball at his father's head, and just made the shot, giving it his all to make it perfect, so he could get his father off his back.

“Keep working hard, son.” his father went on as he started to stretch, “the season is only a couple of months away, you have no time for slacking.”

Alec was then saved from any further unwanted tips, by his girlfriend who came out of the house from the back door and stepped onto the court, “hello boys,” she greets with a smile, “looking dapper, Mr. L, as always.”

“Thank you, miss Branwell.” his father flashed his perfect white smile, then headed to the door, “I’ll give you kids some privacy.”

Once he was in the house and the door closed, leaving them out of earshot, Lydia turned to Alec and motions for him to pass her the ball, and when he did, she positioned herself in front of the hoop, “so, have you made any progress with your target?” she asked, then shot the ball towards the basket, and scored, causing her to let out a pleased hum and small smirk.

Alec caught the ball as it bounces back and grins, “nah, not since the playground.” he said, then shot the ball again, “he’s difficult.”

“Are you finally going to forfeit, Lightwood?” Lydia asked smugly.

“No way.” Alec is quick to respond, “I can do this.”

“Well, you do love a challenge, don’t you?” she asked with a soft sigh, “and what a challenge he is.”

“He may be the hardest target to date, but I have yet to fail, and don’t plan on doing so now.” Alec announced with a smug smirk.

“You have a plan.” Lydia stated, rather than asked.

“You know I do.”

**...**

Magnus Bane, despite his whole ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude and ‘bad boy’ look, was the best student in their class with the highest grades. And for some odd reason, that completely contradicts his ‘I hate humanity’ philosophy and behavior, he volunteered at the student tutoring center at their school. Which was baffling and confusing to say the least, but Alec wasn’t going to dwell on that, as it made his life a whole lot easier.

As he entered the tutoring center, he almost immediately caught a glimpse of Magnus, sorting through some file drawers. He leaned on the doorway and watched him for a few moments, scanning him up and down, getting a nice view of his ass when he reached up to a high shelf. This grumpy boy, despite his lack of smiling and foul attitude, was a beautiful view, which Alec certainly enjoyed watching.

“What do you want, creep?” Magnus’ voice cut off his staring, “or are you just here to stare at me?”

Alec schooled his features, flashing his infamous lop-sided smirk, and pushed off the door frame, “well, I was hoping you could help me.” he said, taking a step forward.

“No.” Magnus answered straight away, turning back to the shelves and drawers.

“You haven’t even heard what I need help in.” Alec countered, watching Magnus’ back.

“I don’t need to.” Magnus replied without looking back.

“But I need a tutor.” Alec didn’t give in.

Magnus turned to look at him, as if evaluating him with just his eyes, “I’m sure you do.” he finally retorted with an edge of smugness.

Alec decided to ignore the little insult, and went on as if he hadn’t spoken at all, “I want you to tutor me.” he said with confidence.

Magnus snorts and raises his eyebrow, “yeah, that’s not going to happen.” he declared, turning his back to Alec yet again.

“I don’t think you’re allowed to refuse to help a student.” Alec insisted, following Magnus when he walked through one of the doors and into a tutoring room, “it’s against school policy.”

Magnus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, then turned again towards Alec, “I’ll refer you to a different tutor.” he said with an irritated tone and look.

“I don’t want anyone else.” Alec insisted yet again, “you are the best, so I want you.” quite literally actually.

“Well, you can’t force me, and school policy states that I can refuse to tutor you if I find you someone else.” Magnus also insisted, already looking very irritated, “so I don’t care what you want, I won’t tutor you.”

“Please?” Alec tried in a sweet voice and innocent smile, “I really need your help.”

Magnus sighed yet again, and turned fully to him, folding his arms and cocked his hip, which Alec found so damn sexy, he just had to bite his bottom lip, because, _yum-mmy_.

“Look, rich boy, I don’t know what your angle is here.” Magnus said, oblivious to Alec’s wanting eyes and thoughts of devouring him, “but keep me out of it.”

Then he was gone, leaving Alec there alone, “Playing hard to get.” he mumbled to himself, “I like.”

**...**

The Branwell family had always lived next door to the Lightwoods, and ever since Alec could remember, Lydia was his best friend, and they would constantly hang out at each other’s homes. Of course their parents had always had high hope for them to get together and one day even marry.

When they were old enough to actually start being interested in sex, both had come to realize that their parents wishes were impossible, because Alec was gay and Lydia was lesbian. But they decided to make a deal which would benefit them both, and keep their parents off their backs.

When they were 15 Lydia and Alec told their parents that they were officially a couple, making them all thrilled. At school they became the golden couple that nobody messed with, increasing their popularity and helping them ‘rule the school’.

“Look what I’ve got!” Lydia brags in a sing-song voice, showing off her iPhone screen.

Alec closed his locker and looked at the screen presented to him, it showed a new contact - ‘maia’. Alec stared down to make sure he was seeing right, then looked back up at Lydia, “shit, how did you manage that?” he asked with wide eyes.

Lydia lowered her arm and pocketed her phone with a smirk, “Oh, you know how charming I can be.” she said proudly, making a show of throwing back her hair, “she just couldn’t resist.”

“Damn, that was fast though.” Alec complained, “she is so much easier.”

“I take it, you still haven’t had any luck?” Lydia looked and sounded way too pompous for his liking, he couldn’t let her win.

Alec raised his eyebrows and gave her a serious stare, “he’s way more difficult.” he said, “so it really isn’t much of a fair fight, is it?”

“You’re just scared I’ll ruin your winning streak.” they started walking to their next class, as Lydia went on, “besides, you insisted you could do it.”

“And I will.” Alec asserted, “which would make my win so much bigger.”

Alec wasn’t going to let Magnus ruin his victory, he was the last target on his list, and the hardest one at that, but even he couldn’t resist the Lightwood charm.

And most importantly, he had his ego and status to maintain.

**...**

“What now, Lightwood?”

Alec was leaning on the lockers, hidden by Magnus’ open one, but Magnus could see him anyway, and knew that Alec knew he could be seen even before the older boy addressed him.

“I just wanted to let you know that I will be fine.” Alec announced, and Magnus rolled his eyes dramatically (because who fucking cares), still hidden by the opened locker door.

Magnus then slammed his locker closed and glared at Alec, “great.” he said shortly, then turned to leave, but Alec’s voice stopped him.

“I mean, That’s what F is for, right?” Magnus turned back around at Alec’s question, as he held up a test with a big red F on it, with the most miserable looking face, which Magnus hated to see.

Magnus sighed heavily, wanting desperately to turn this beautiful boy down, because how in the world was he supposed to tutor him and keep his cool, when inside he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold it together.

Besides the fact that Alec was a dick and a know player, despite having a girlfriend, and just morally he found it hard to help people like that, no matter how irresistible they were.

“Please, Magnus.” Alec pleaded with an adorable pout that actually almost had Magnus melting, “I really need your help, they won’t let me keep playing basketball if I won’t get my grades up.”

And Magnus just lost his resolve, he took the exam out of Alec’s hold and skimmed through it, then looked back up at Alec, “ugh, fine.” he gave in, “but no one can know about this, so it can’t be here at school, and it has to be before our classes, at 7am.”

“7am?” Alec exclaimed, but before he could complain anymore, Magnus went on.

“Those are my terms, you either take them or leave them.” the older boy said firmly, “otherwise, you can find someone else th-”

“No, I’ll do it.” Alec quickly cut in, “can we start on -”

“We start tomorrow morning, 7am sharp at the dock.” this time Magnus cut him off, refusing to let Alec set any kind of terms, it was all going to be his way.

There was no way in hell he was going to be seen with that jock, so everyone can think that he actually liked him, or that he was another notch on his bedpost.

Magnus may have hated gossip and avoided it like the plague, but it would be extremely difficult not to know that Alec isn’t straight as an arrow like he portrayed. It was beyond Magnus how Alec still seemed to hide it from his parents and keep it all on the down low, but at school it was known that Alec and Lydia cheated on each other with both men and women.

And Magnus was a known bisexual - he may not be sexually active, but he knew what he was and refused to be ashamed of it. So he couldn’t have people thinking he was pining over Alec or that he was another score for the star player, which was due to happen if they were caught or seen together, because the gossip in their school may stay in the borders of it’s grounds, but it ran fast, deep and wild.

“I’ll be there.” Alec confirmed with his iconic smile, and Magnus just gave him one more stern look before walking off, mentally face palming himself.

_‘What in the world have I just done?’_

**...**

Magnus was sitting impatiently at a picnic table by the dock, he had his school books out and ready for his and Alec’s first tutoring lesson, which he was already regretting. Heck, he regretted it the moment he agreed to it. But he made a promise, and he intended on going through with it, but Alec was late.

Five minutes had passed, and Magnus took a deep breath to calm himself. Five more minutes, he will wait just five more minutes, then he will leave.

Alec showed up two minutes later with his backpack over one shoulder, and a small box in his hand. He sat down in front of Magnus, discarding his bag on the floor, and smiling as if he had done nothing wrong.

“You’re late.” Magnus hissed.

But Alec just smiled brighter, and lifted up the box of Cracker Jack he was holding, “I had to stop to get us a snack.” he announced.

“Whatever, just get your books out.” Magnus grumbled.

But Alec ignored him in favor of opening the Cracker Jack and pulling out the small prize bag, “please let this be a cheat-sheet.” he mumbled as he opened it, and Magnus just rolled his eyes.

It wasn’t a cheat-sheet.

Alec pulled a black braided leather Cracker Jack bracelet out of the small bag, a soft smile appearing on his face. He then looked up at Magnus, and without missing a beat, grabbed hold of Magnus’ hand, “here, for you.” he declared, then clasped the bracelet onto Magnus’ wrist, and with a shit-eating grin added, “don’t say I never gave you anything.”

Alec was so quick and Magnus was too frozen to react, that he didn’t have enough time to object before it was already done, leaving him to just stare at the bracelet in awe. And Alec may have already retracted his hand, but Magnus could still feel the ghost of his touch on his skin.

Which wasn’t burning.

It was pleasantly tingling.

And when he looked up, Alec had a huge knowing grin on his face. So Magnus quickly cleared his throat and averted his eyes, opening up his school books as he motioned for Alec to do the same, “come on, you’ve wasted enough of my time.”

And as they went on with their tutoring session, Magnus didn’t take the bracelet off.

the bracelet:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo.... what did you guys think?  
> what evil game are Lydia and Alec playing at?
> 
> please let me know your thoughts!
> 
> also, you can come chat with me on - : [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mbl.writes/?hl=en) or [tumblr](https://mblwrites.tumblr.com/)  
> I will also start posting updates and sneak peaks on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Mblwrites/)


	3. Over My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec could think of a million things he would like to be doing, and hanging out at Jace’s latest, was certainly not one of them. But hanging out at the red-headed girls house, meant better access to Magnus, and he was hoping that because it was in Magnus’ home court, he would be more in his comfort zone, and thus - easier to conquer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there Lovelies!  
> thanks so so much for all the love and support, it means the world!
> 
> here I am, back with chapter 3! hope you all like it!
> 
> please let me know in the comments!

_ I never knew _ _   
_ _ I never knew that everything was falling through _ _   
_ _ That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue _ _   
_ _ To turn and run when all I needed was the truth _ _   
_ _ But that's how it's got to be _ _   
_ _ It's coming down to nothing more than apathy _ _   
_ _ I'd rather run the other way than stay and see _ _   
_ __ The smoke, and who's still standing when it clears

**October 2012**

The worst part about Clary finally having her wish come true, was that it meant that not only did her new found boyfriend, Jace, hangout at their house, so did his siblings, who seemed to be a package deal, just like Clary and Simon.

“Please come hang out with us.” Clary pleaded, right before the Lightwood’s were due to arrive, “just for a bit.” 

It would be the second time they would be hanging out there, and just like the first time, Magnus planned to make himself scarce.

“I’ll pass.” he told his step sister, not even sparing her a glance, keeping his eyes on his notebook opened on his desk.

“Oh, come on, I’m sure you’ll like them.” Clary insisted, spinning his chair around, causing him to drop his notebook, “you just have to get to know them.”

“I’d really rather not.” Magnus also insisted picking up his fallen notebook, then finally looking up at Clary, not that she gave him any choice… “now if you don’t mind, I have homework to do.”

He walked over to his bedroom door as he spoke, holding it opened for her in a blunt hint. Clary sighed and grunted, but finally conceded, “fine, whatever.” she muttered, “I just wished you would stop being such a sour head.”

“Just because I don’t want to hang out with the popular kids, doesn’t make me sour.” Magnus retorted as she moved past him, and out the doorway.

“You’re right.” she agreed, then smirked, “you’re always sour.” But Magnus just sneered back at her, then rolled his eyes.

And with that, she left him alone, and he just closed his door and walked back to his desk, plopping down on his desk chair with a heavy sigh.

Clary would never understand, she couldn’t possibly know what it was like for him, and he was never going to let her in to all of those dark and scary corners of his soul. There were things that should just stay hidden and buried in the past. Not that he could talk about them even if he wanted to, he tried once with Luke and another time with Jocelyn, but he physically couldn’t do it, his body wouldn’t allow it - he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, but the words wouldn’t come out.

And all of that is besides the fact that Clary was too innocent and probably couldn’t handle it all. But most of all, he just really did not want to spend his time with that group of people, or get a front row seat to the “Clace Show” - which was what Simon was calling it.

**...**

Alec could think of a million things he would like to be doing, and hanging out at Jace’s latest, was certainly not one of them. But hanging out at the red-headed girls house, meant better access to Magnus, and he was hoping that because it was in Magnus’ home court, he would be more in his comfort zone, and thus - easier to conquer.

The first time around, Magnus was nowhere to be found, apparently he had left the house before they had even arrived. This time though, Alec had managed to catch a glimpse of him getting a drink from the kitchen and quickly heading back up to his room.

It had been a week since their first tutoring session, and they’ve had two more since then, but unfortunately for him, Magnus was all business all the time. Alec always thought that it was just a tough act he put on for kids at school, but having hung out with him alone a few times, he was beginning to think that Magnus held this front up all the time.

It was lucky for him that Maia was Also playing hard to get, so he still had a fighting chance.

“Not that I want to tip off the enemy…” Lydia began to whisper in his ear, “but I’m pretty sure now is your time to attack.”

They were sitting on the couch, in the semi-dark, watching a movie that Alec wasn’t even pretending to pay attention to. He smirked at Lydia, who was sitting beside him, “I think you should worry more about your target, and less about mine.” Alec told her smugly, “because I am now one step closer.”

Lydia snorted, causing the others to eye her, but then they all went back to watching the movie, she waited a beat before whispering back to Alec, “as if, just because she is playing hard, doesn’t mean you’re any closer.”

“Watch me.”

Alec then announced quietly that he was heading to the toilet, and was glad everyone barely paid attention, let alone noticed him walking up the stairs instead of down the hall to where the toilet actually was.

Magnus’ room was easy to find, as it was the only one with a closed door, all the rest were wide open and clearly not his. So Alec knocked and waited for the other boy to open the door, with his lop-sided smile on the ready.

A moment later, the door swung open and Magnus looked ready to scold him, but froze with his mouth ajar when he noticed it was him who knocked on his door.

“Hey, can I come in?” Alec asked nonchalantly, before Magnus could compose himself.

Magnus shook himself out of whatever state he was in, “what are you doing here?” he asked, ignoring Alec’s question.

“Well, they are watching a boring movie downstairs, and I was hoping maybe we could hangout.” Alec told him, smiling down at the smaller teenager.

“Hangout?” Magnus parroted incredulously, “no, not gonna happen.”

“Oh, come on, save me.” Alec pleaded with a pout, “please.”

Magnus watched him for another moment, seemingly contemplating the matter, then finally took a step back, allowing him to enter his room.

**...**

Magnus did not hate Alec as much as he wanted to.

He was hoping that if anything, the tutoring sessions with the basketball player would help him get over his stupid never ending crush, but all it did was inflate it, because that boy was damn charming. They already had three sessions, and Alec was always sweet and funny, and actually nice to him, no matter how bitter Magnus acted.

Which was infuriating really.

And now here he was, in his bedroom, and Magnus just didn’t know what to say or do with himself as Alec came in and looked around his dark coloured, and barely decorated room.

“Hmmm, not what I was expecting.” Alec spoke, looking back at him.

Magnus folded his arms and raised an eyebrow, “what exactly were you expecting?” he asked, eyeing the other boy.

Alec hummed, then shrugged, “not sure, just a little more… flare.” 

Magnus snorted and shook his head incredulously, “more flare?” he asked with a disgusted tone, then rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of his bed.

Alec sheepishly rubbed at his nape, looking the most awkward that Magnus had ever seen him, “yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” he said softly, “It just… you don’t have much stuff.”

The way he said it, wasn’t his usual rich boy sass, or condescending, it was an observation, like he was just trying to make conversation with Magnus, to connect with him.

“Well, I don’t plan on staying long, so -” Magnus blurted out without thinking, then cut himself short, when he realized what he had just said and what he was about to spill out.

Alec looked at him questioningly, “what? Where are you going?” he asked curiously.

“Nowhere. never mind.” Magnus quickly muttered, “just forget I said anything, okay?” he knew he was acting strange, which was frustrating on so many levels, but Alec just smiled softly at him and nodded.

“You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.” Alec said gently, making Magnus feel even more overwhelmed, because what the fuck? He’s just not supposed to be this sweet and understanding, he is supposed to be a jerk who cares about no one but himself.

“So why didn’t you want to tutor me at first?” Alec asked suddenly, “am I that terrible?”

“No, of course not.” Magnus quickly denied, horrified and completely lost, “I just… I just hate gossip, and didn’t want people to talk.”

Alec laughed softly, a beautiful sound that Magnus wanted to hear on loop, then he sat on the bed beside Magnus, close enough for their arms to brush together, causing Magnus to swallow hard and grit his teeth, “you’re scared people will think we’re sleeping together?” he asked in a whisper, with a knowing smirk on his lips.

And Magnus wanted to die and bury himself in a ditch somewhere.

“No, of course not.” Magnus quickly denied, standing and moving away from Alec, “why would anyone even think that.”

Alec kept smirking as he stood and slowly stepped into Magnus’ space, “I know…” he whispered in mock-shock, barely and two inches away from him, “so crazy, right?”

Alec then lifted a hand, and Magnus was so caught up that he belatedly noticed what he was doing. By the time he had realized, Alec’s hand was already on his cheek, causing Magnus to panic and jump away as if he had been burned, turning his back to Alec and hugging himself.

“Shit, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” Alec stammered, trying to place a hand on Magnus’ shoulder, but he flinched and moved away again.

“Please, don’t.” Magnus managed to choke out.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked, clearly freaked and concerned, “did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine.” Magnus stuttered quietly, finally turning to look at Alec, mustering all the strength he had, “I umm, I just don’t really like to be touched.”

He regretted the words as soon as he said them, but he seemed to have no control over himself or his mouth with Alec around.

“Oh, I didn’t… sorry, I didn’t know.” Alec said softly, looking completely dumbfounded.

“Yeah, well, it’s not exactly something I go around telling people.” Magnus hissed, finally regaining some composer, then before Alec could say anything else, “I think it’s best if you go.”

**...**

Usually when people touched him, he would flinch, wince, jerk, jolt or feel his skin burn, sometimes even all of them. It wasn’t by choice, it was his body’s reflex and automatic survival instincts, that reacted before his brain could think logically. 

With Luke, Jocelyn and Clary it had gotten better with time, although, they were still very careful around him and thought twice about any physical contact. It was usually the worst with strangers and people he especially disliked, it’s why he would stay away from people and crowded places.

But when Alec had touched him that day on the dock, he didn’t flinch or jump away, and his skin didn’t sting or burn. It wasn’t comfortable, but it also felt a little nice in a strange and new way. And then the day before, when Alec had come into his room and stood so close to him, it wasn’t as daunting as he thought it would be. 

Yes, he freaked out and it wasn’t pleasant, but there was something about the younger boy’s touch that had him craving for more. Maybe that is part of the reason why he lost control, because part of him liked and wanted it.

When he arrived at school he did his best to push those thoughts away and focus on his classes, which was proving difficult because it was a small school and Alec was everywhere. Not only that, Alec had actually tried to talk to him about what happened, and Magnus did his best to avoid him at all costs, which was proving to be an almost impossible task.

And to make matters worse, his body was betraying him again.

He was standing by his locker, which was too close to Alec’s one, and just his luck, the boy in question was also standing by his own locker, laughing and talking with his girlfriend. Something that is normal and occurs daily, and Magnus usually manages to ignore them, but on that day, he couldn’t stop himself from glancing towards them. 

His treacherous body was vibrating, his stomach was flipping and his mind couldn’t help but wishing he was the one standing that close to the beautiful basketball player. And all that was just down right confusing and annoying.

Unfortunately, he was so caught up, that Alec apparently noticed him and finally managed to catch him.

“Hey, are you okay?” There was a soft look in his eyes and a sheepish smile as he spoke, which was extremely strange to see on Alec’s face.

Magnus just shrugged and finally closed his locker door, “yeah, I’m fine.” he mumbled, then turned to walk away.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Alec reach out, but retract his hand at the last minute, as he called out his name, “look, I just wanted to apologize again…” he said sincerely when Magnus turned back to him, “for last night, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t, I’m fine.” Magnus was quick to retort, and then, when he saw the small frown and concern on Alec’s face, he added, “I appreciate your concern, and I know that you meant well, so all is forgiven.”

A bright smile then replaced the frown, and Alec looked relieved, “good, I’m glad.” he said quietly, “so are we still on for tomorrow’s tutoring session?”

Magnus looked up at his alluring hazel eyes, losing himself for a moment in the rare genuine concern and care in them. He’d never wanted to drown in someone’s eyes before, he’d never wanted to be this close to anyone before… Well, he did, but that was a long long time ago.

It took him embarrassingly too long to reply, but if Alec noticed or thought it was pathetic, he didn’t say anything about it, or even let it show. He just kept looking at him with that enticing lop-sided smile of his.

“Yeah, of course.” Magnus finally managed, his voice softer and weaker than he would have liked, but at least he got it out.

“Great, see you at the dock then.”

And with that he turned away and joined his gorgeous blonde girlfriend, heading with her to their next class as Magnus watched them disappearing down the hall.

“Hey, what was that all about?” he heard Clary’s voice, which brought him back to reality.

Magnus shook his head and cleared his throat, then looked down at his step sister, smiling at her, “nothing.” he lied.

“Oh, come on, that was not nothing.” Clary insisted, which was not surprising, “you absolutely refuse to hang out with us when I ask, but then I see you being all friendly with Alec, so what is it?”

Magnus sighed and rolled his eyes, “I told you, it’s nothing.” he snapped, then turned to leave and started walking down the hall.

But Clary was nothing if not stubborn, and just followed him, “I don’t buy it.” she pressed, walking beside him, “so spill or I’ll just keep bugging you.”

“Ugh, fine.” Magnus conceded with a groan, then pointed a warning finger at her, “but you better not tell anyone, not even your two puppies.”

“My two puppies?” Clary questioned, amused.

“Yeah, you know, Simon and Jace.” Magnus replied with a smirk, then looked around them, “speaking of, where are your shadows?”

“Ha ha!” Clary fake laughed, “and don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, and it won’t work.”

“What ever do you mean?” Magnus faked innocence.

“You are trying to change the subject.” Clary said knowingly, “now tell me.”

Magnus groaned again, then looked around carefully to make sure no one was listening, “fine, I’ve been tutoring him.” he whispered, as if it were an important top secret.

Clary frowned for a moment, looking confused, which then turned to disappointment, “that’s it?” she exclaimed, “I thought it would be juicier.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, “told you it was nothing.”

“So why all the secrecy?” she eyed him suspiciously. 

“I just… People here tend to talk, and you know how much I hate being talked about.” Magnus explained, avoiding the topic of his stupid, pathetic crush. “and those are rumors that I just really don’t want.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Clary said and looked up at him as they walked, “you seemed very friendly.”

“We’ve been getting along,” Magnus hummed, playing it down, “more than I expected.”

Little did she know that when Magnus thought about Alec in that moment, his stomach filled with butterflies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww Magnus is so adorable with his crush and butterflies, right? Shame Alec is kinda've a jerk.... Or is he...? hhmmm....
> 
> anyway, please let me know what your thoughts are!
> 
> 'till next time!


	4. Head Above Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there lovelies!
> 
> I'm back with chapter four!  
> hope you all like it :)
> 
> thanks so much for all the love and support! you are all truly the best!

_ So pull me up from down below _ _   
_ _ 'Cause I'm underneath the undertow _ _   
_ _ Come dry me off and hold me close _ _   
_ _ I need you now, I need you most _

_ God, keep my head above water _ _   
_ _ Don't let me drown, it gets harder _ _   
_ _ I'll meet you there at the altar _ _   
_ _ As I fall down to my knees _ _   
_ _ Don't let me drown _

**October 2012**

“Come on, Magnus, this is our last chance before it gets too cold.” Clary was yet again trying to convince him to hang out with her and her new friends. The plan, apparently, was to ride their bikes down to their secret spot by the lake and have a picnic and swim. “It’s such a rare warm day, we have to take advantage of it!”

“No Clary.” he snapped, a bit harsher than he intended, but more than ever, he did not want to see the Lightwood’s, especially not after what happened the day before, when Alec came to apologize, and he actually started to feel…  _ things _ . Not to mention, just that morning, he’s tutoring session was just extremely uncomfortable. Alec, of course, was his usual charming self, but Magnus just felt weird and awkward. Luckily, he managed to focus mostly on the school work.

“But you love the lake.” Clary insisted, as if he hadn’t just snapped at her, “you don’t even have to talk or anything, just come and sit with us.”

“Clary, I said no.” Magnus repeated firmly, trying hard to hold it together and not lose control.

“Come on, what do I need to do to make you come?” she almost whined, then went on persistently, “I’ll get my hands dirty if I have to.”

“Is that a threat?” Magnus raised an eyebrow, looking half impressed and half annoyed.

“Of course not.” Clary said in mock innocence, Magnus rolled his eyes again.

“Why does it even matter to you whether I come or not?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her, because she had been working way too hard lately to get him to hang out with her.

“Because this might be my last chance.” she said sadly, averting her eyes, “next year you will probably move away and god only knows how often we will see each other.”

“Clary…” Magnus begins, but Clary is quick to cut him off.

“You can’t deny it, you know it’s true.” and to be fair, it probably was, and Magnus just couldn’t handle those sad eyes and adorable pout, “please, Magnus, I just want to spend as much time as I can with my big brother.

So Magnus sighs heavily, and stands, “fine, but I’m not being friendly with them.” he conditioned, she was quick to agree, happy that she finally got him on board with a hang out.

  
  


Clary never asked him why he didn’t like to swim or go into the lake or pool, just accepted his decision to always sit by the water and write or draw, or even just stare at the water, he could do it for hours despite his fear. Eventually he did come to her and explain the general outlines of why he had a phobia of the water, and she just listened and held his hand.

And so as everyone else splashed around and enjoyed the water, he sat back and read a book, with his knees folded to his chest as he leaned back on a tree. He was glad when they all mostly let him be.

At one point though, Alec did come and sit next to him, with his usual smile on his face.

“Not a water person?” he asked, running a hand through his wet hair, and Magnus just hated the thoughts that popped into his head at that, or how he looked like a fucking swimsuit model. Most of all he hated to stupid perfect abs he had to physically force himself not to stare at.

“Nope.” Magnus answered shortly, not even looking away from his book, even though he was no longer actually reading.

“So why did you come?” Alec asked curiously.

“Clary threatened my life.” he didn’t mean for it to be funny, but they both ended up laughing at that. Magnus could see from the corner of his eye, that the girl in question was standing off to the side with the others, sneaking glances at them and smiling suspiciously.

“So I can’t convince you to come join us?” the hope that shone so bright in those hazel eyes were almost enough to convince Magnus to jump head first into the water, but he forced himself to look away and stand his ground.

“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid you can’t.” Magnus mumbled quietly, wishing more than ever that he actually could join them. A feeling which shook him to the bone, because not only was he actually thinking about entering the water, but he was also thinking about doing it for Alec. And that just means that he is getting too close.

He shouldn't be getting too close.

So he went back to reading his book, glad when Alec took the hint and left him alone again.

  
  


It was about an hour in, when the girls all went to pee in the bushes, that Magnus decided to stretch his legs, walking to the edge of the lake, still trying to keep his distance from the boys who were still there and playing frisbee. At one point, the frisbee came flying his way, and Simon came running after it. 

Unfortunately, Magnus wasn’t looking and next thing he knew, Simon had bumped into him and he went flying into the water, hitting it with a loud and hard crash.

Magnus had his phobia since he was a child, so he never learned how to swim, and when he hit the lake water, he felt helpless and panic stricken, desperately and frantically waving his arms around, swallowing too much water. He ended up drowning, unable to hold up his own weight, sinking further and further into the deep lake.

Then he just blacked out.

**...**

Everything was moving so fast, Alec had no idea how and when it all happened, but next thing he knew, he was jumping into the water after Magnus, and pulling him out from under the surface, swimming with him in his arms towards the ground. With the help of Jace and Simon, they managed to get him out.

As they lay him down, Magnus’ lips turned purple, and didn’t seem to be breathing, so Alec was quick to start compressions, then gave him mouth to mouth. Just as Magnus coughed out lake water, the girls came running back, Clary sprinted to her brother’s side in seconds, pushing everyone away.

“Stay back!” She called to them, holding up her hands defensively, then cupped Magnus’ face and watched him as he slowly started to come through, as he turned over and coughed out more water, Clary looked up at them with angry eyes, “what the fuck happened?” she shouted.

But before any of them could say anything, Magnus wheezed, then spoke weakly, “please don’t, please don’t…” he begged, barely audible, “I can’t breathe, help me, I can’t...”

Clary averted her eyes back to her brother, leaning in close to him, “Magnus, it’s me, are you okay, Magnus?” she asked him desperately, “look at me, please.”

Magnus did turn his head finally and looked at her, Alec couldn’t see his face from where he was standing, but he could hear his words, even though they were merely a whisper, and clearly meant for his sisters ears only, “Clary, please, I need to get out of here.”

Clary then helped him up, and Alec had to force himself not to jump forward and help Magnus as he struggled to stand. When he was finally standing, he looked up and around in horror, as everyone just stood frozen in shock.

Magnus’ hair and clothes were wet and sticking to his body, his makeup was smudged around his eyes and a few black lines ran down his cheeks.

Then, before anyone could react or stop him, Magnus dashed past them all, and ran up the path, grabbing his bike and cycling away as Clary called after him.

“Shit, I have to go after him!” Clary yelled, completely panicked.

“I’ll do it.” Alec blurted out without thinking, then when Clary looked up at him with a questioning look, along with everyone else, he added, “please, let me go find him.”

Everyone was probably too shocked to read into it too much, and so they were quick to agree.

“I know where he’s going.” Clary told him.

**...**

With shaking hands, Magnus pulls out his keys from his pocket and tries to unlock the door, which proves to be difficult with his whole body trembling, but when he finally gets in, he runs straight to the locker room and opens his one up, thankful more than ever that he kept spare clothes over there.

He quickly discarded his wet clothes and put on his black dancing leggings, along with an oversized dark gray sweater, with an off the shoulder neckline. Then he washed off all the mess on his face, leaving it makeup free.

Then he walked out to the studio, connected his phone to the stereo and put on whatever was on next on his playlist. After that he shut off everything around him and handed over all control to his body, allowing it to move along to the beat of the music on its own accord.

His body always enjoyed the moment, almost begging him to let it go. As a child, it would be his little secret, teaching himself how to move to a beat just by feel and instinct, uncaring of what it looked like or if he was any good, because it was one of the only things that actually made him feel good.

When he was younger, and new at the Greymark - Fray household, they struggled to find ways to help him, and when a regular psychologist couldn’t help, Jocelyn, who was an artist and had her own art-therapy practice, sat him down in her studio and gave him free reign to just draw and express himself. She put on music as they both just drew, and was quick to notice how his body just moved and swayed as he drew.

So she took him to Dorothea’s studio for dance, where they signed him up for dancing lessons, which quickly became his safe space, the one thing that could completely disconnect his overworking mind. Dot had grown very fond of him, and gave him a spare key to the studio if he ever needed to get away and forget.

In that moment, as he danced along to the music and tried desperately to forget, he was thankful more than ever.

But when he closed his eyes, all he could see was underwater, and when he tried to breathe, he almost choked. Even the dancing couldn’t stop the panic that was rising in him, almost physically feeling the hand on his head pushing him under.

**...**

Alec walked through the unlocked door to the dance studio, where Clary had told him he could find Magnus. Sure enough, there he was, with his eyes closed, dancing to the music that was playing. His body moved beautifully, so hypnotizing, that Alec just froze there for a moment, unable to keep his eyes off the stunning figure in front of him.

He snapped out of it when Magnus’ breathing became too strained and too loud, to be normal. Before he could completely register what was happening, just like at the lake earlier, Alec’s legs sprang forward, rushing over to the older boy who was falling to his knees, struggling to breathe and his whole body trembling.

By the time his brain caught up with his actions, they were both on the ground, and Alec was holding onto Magnus’ shoulders, asking him if he was okay. Magnus looked up at him with lost and aching eyes, as if begging him to take the pain away, “Alexander…” he whispered in a broken voice, then looked down at their proximity and points of contact, and Alec suddenly realized that he was touching him.

And Just as he was about to pull his hands away, Magnus fell forward and buried himself in his chest. Alec paused for a moment, with his hands in the air above Magnus, then he heard Magnus sobbing, and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, pulling him in for a strong embrace, as Magnus fisted the back of his shirt.

Magnus clutched onto him so hard, as if he was too afraid to let go, too afraid he’ll fall. So Alec wrapped him up even closer, lowering his head so he could whisper in the other boy’s ear, “shh… it’s okay, you’re okay… I’m here, I’ve got you.” he promised, as gut wrenching sobs tore through Magnus.

Alec knew, without knowing too much, that on that day he had seen a very real glimpse into Magnus’ shattered soul. One that was very rarely seen. So many things happened in such a short span of time, and everything deteriorated so fast, he hadn’t had time to really process what was going on, or at least not the depth of it all. 

Magnus felt so small as he shook in his arms, and that strong front Alec had always felt, was no longer in sight. And as he held the other boy, he understood a bit more, why he held up those walls and guards, and that they were probably built over many scars and traumas.

His heart, which had been thumping hard in his chest, skipped a painful beat. Alec already had his suspicions before, but in that moment he knew for sure, that he was royally screwed.

**...**

_ Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit… _

That was all Magnus could think, over and over, when he finally calmed down and caught up with his surroundings and what was happening. How could he let this happen, how could he let his guard down like that, and around Alec from all people.

He quickly pulled away, even though he actually really liked being in the basketball player’s strong arms, he felt safe and protected, and instead of waking up even more trauma, it actually helped soothe him, Alec’s embrace helped ground him when he was drowning, which was a new and scary feeling. 

Magnus used his sweatshirt sleeves to wipe away all the leftover tears, dreading to let Alec see his face, because he was probably red and puffy and just ugly, especially without an ounce of makeup. He tried to turn away as he mumbled, “shit, I’m so sorry…” but Alec was quick to slide his body closer and cup his face with one hand, caressing him with his thumb as he looked at him with an open expression.

“You’re beautiful…” Alec whispered, then cleared his throat and pulled away, as if he hadn’t meant to say that out loud, then he went on stammering a bit, “don’t be sorry, I want to be here for you.”

“Thank you.” Magnus whispered back, because he had no idea how else to react.

“Do you umm… do you want to get a milkshake or something?” Alec asked suddenly, surprising them both, “there’s a great place right next door.”

And without even thinking, Magnus nodded and breathed out, “Yeah…”

  
  


After applying some light makeup for what he had in his locker, Magnus joined Alec back in the studio and they both made their way out and to the small diner next door, “Taki’s”.

They sat in a corner booth, and Magnus ordered a cookie’s n’ cream milkshake and Alec ordered a chocolate one, then settled into a comfortable silence, as Magnus found himself sinking into his thoughts and wondering what the hell he was doing there with that boy. After the milkshakes arrived and they took their first sips, Alec finally broke the silence.

“So… are you okay?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

Magnus smiled softly at him, “yeah, I am…” he confirmed, “thank you for helping me.”

Alec brushed it off and took another sip of his milkshake, “you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he began, keeping his eyes on Magnus, “but if you need to, I want you to know that I care, and that I’m here.”

Magnus was stunned to say the least, because who would have thought that out of all people, Alec Lightwood would be the one to help him through a breakdown. But it ran much deeper than that, because for the first time, in a very long while, Magnus actually did want to talk about it. He wanted to tell Alec, but he knew he couldn’t and shouldn’t.

So instead, “I umm… I don’t really like to talk about my past.” he explained hesitantly, “but I umm… I almost drowned when I was a child, and because of that I have a fear of water, and I’ve never actually learned how to swim, so…” he then let his voice trail off as Alec leaned forwards and grabbed his hand, it was nice.

What he told Alec, was more or less the same story he told Clary, Jocelyn and Luke, but it was an embellishment of the truth, it was the most he could handle to tell.

“Shit, that’s rough.” Alec responded, “I could teach you to swim if you’d like.”

It wouldn’t be possible with his phobia, but it was a sweet sentiment which actually melted Magnus’ heart a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww poor Magnus, seems like he's really been through a lot, and finally reached a breaking point...  
> what are your thoughts? please let me know :P


	5. We All Need Somebody That Can Mend These Broken Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there my lovelies,  
> so sorry for the small delay, I wasn't feeling the best yesterday. But better late than never, right?
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the love and support, it means so so so much to me!
> 
> This chapter is a bit heavy, so brace yourself. 
> 
> Anyway, without further ado... chapter 5!

_ Walking a fine line between wrong and right _ _   
_ _ And I know _ _   
_ _ There is a part of me that I try to hide _ _   
_ _ But I can't win _ _   
_ _ And I can't fight _ _   
_ _ I keep holding on too tight _ _   
_ _ Running away from the world outside _

**November 2012**

A week had passed since that day at the lake, and despite the rough breakdown he had, Magnus was actually feeling lighter and lighter as the week went by. Alec and him had gotten together for their tutoring sessions, and had been friendlier than normal, but they still avoided each other at school, as if in a silent agreement that despite the moment they shared, they still didn’t want to be seen together too much at school.

It was a nice agreement, and Magnus was feeling good for a change.

Until he noticed  _ that  _ date. 

He had been so caught up with everything going on, that he had barely noticed the time fly, so much so that the day he dreaded the most was now creeping up on him, and was just a couple of days away.

And just like every year in the past five years, Magnus locked himself up even further, desperately holding himself together, but barely managing.

To make matters worse, Luke had pulled him out to the front porch for a talk that looked like it was going to be too serious for his liking.

“Look, I’m not sure how to say this to you,” Luke began to say, already confirming his suspicions that it was going to be a bad talk, “but you need to know.”

“What is it?” Magnus asked, even though a part of him wanted to run away and never find out what had his foster father looking so grim.

“You’re father, he ran away from prison.” Luke explained with a heavy sigh, and the words made Magnus’ heart pound and head spin, “they say that he’s going to come looking for you.”

Magnus couldn’t remember much about his biological father, and he knew that it’s probably for the best. Many years have passed since he escaped his claws, but the few fragments of memories he could recall still haunted him.

“But, he… umm he can’t find me here, right?” Magnus struggled, almost literally feeling the ground beneath him shake and crack.

“That’s what we’re hoping, but you have to be careful.” Like warned, “it’s likely that they’ll find him before he reaches you, but please stay alert and try not to be alone for too long, also, you shouldn’t go too far away from school and home.”

Magnus nodded slowly, staring into the space in front of him, terrified and overwhelmed.

“I umm… I should get to school.” he finally managed in a whisper, “thank you, Luke.”

“I’ll drive you.” Luke offered, and Magnus wanted to decline more than anything, but he knew he couldn’t, because of his birth father, looking to ruin his life again. More than ever, he just needed space, but wasn’t allowed to have it.

**...**

Magnus stared up at the ceiling as his alarm clock went off, ringing distantly in his ears. It was a Saturday, so he didn’t really have to get up, but he liked to set an alarm for a normal time, so he didn’t over do it. The night before he forgot to turn it off, not that he actually slept much, but he didn’t have an ounce of strength to reach out and turn it off.

Eventually his phone automatically put the alarm on snooze, then rang again after ten minutes. He wasn’t sure how many times that happened, as he lay on his back and kept staring up at the ceiling, allowing time to pass by in his complete numbness.

Losing total track and sense of time, Magnus had no idea what the time was anymore, when a knock was heard, waking him into partial attention.

“Yeah?” he called hoarsely, finally sitting up.

The door opened and Luke and Jocelyn walked in, and Magnus could tell straight away that something was going on, which wasn’t too surprising, because of course something else could go wrong.

Jocelyn sat on the edge of his bed, laying a hand on his knee, as Luke, who remained standing, folded his arms and took a deep breath, “look, I’m sorry Magnus, there’s no easy way to say this but, unfortunately we cannot take you today.” he explained.

“But perhaps we could go a different day?” Jocelyn quickly suggested in her soft, motherly tone.

“No!” Magnus roared, shaking his head, “I can’t, I have to go today.”

“Honey, I have an appointment with a client and Luke has been called into the station for an emergency.” Jocelyn explained with a regretful tone.

“Then I’ll take a bus.” Magnus insisted, getting up off the bed, “I have to go.”

“Magnus, it’s too risky.” Luke said firmly, “your father is still out there, and the cemetery is too far away.”

“I’m going, and you can’t stop me.” Magnus persisted stubbornly, walking to his closet and pulling out a set of clothes.

“I’m sorry Magnus, but we can’t allow that.” Jocelyn told him in a hard tone, as she stood as well.

“Well, I’m not asking.” Magnus snapped, “now please leave so I can get dressed.”

“Magnus!” Luke snapped back, “I don’t think you understand the severity of this situation, I know you don’t like it, but it is what it is.”

Magnus ignored Lukes words and walked past them, mumbling angrily, “if you wont leave, then I will.” then walked into the bathroom to get dressed there.

  
  


When he was ready to go with his backpack on his shoulder and phone in his back jeans pocket, Magnus ran down the stairs and out of the house, Luke at his tail.

“Magnus, this could be very dangerous, get back here!” Luke shouted sternly, and when Magnus kept walking and ignoring him, Luke ran up to him and grabbed his arm in a firm grip. “This attitude of yours is unacceptable.”

Magnus glared up at him and tried to shake out of his hold, but to no avail. “Let go of me!” he shouted, just as Clary came out the front door.

“What’s going on?” she asked in concern.

“Let go of me!” Magnus shouted again, ignoring Clary, frantically trying to get out of Luke’s strong grip, “I have to go, I have to.”

“I’m sorry, Magnus, I can’t allow this.” Luke refused again, he was about to go on, but just then a car pulled up to the curb, cutting him off.

“Dad what’s going on?” Clary asked again, concern prominent in her voice, as she approached them, as Alec, Izzy and Jace stepped out of the car.

_ Of fucking course.  _ They just had to arrive at the worst moment possible.

“Luke won’t let me go.” Magnus snapped, knowing she would know what he is talking about.

“Magnus, you know full well that I’m not doing this to you intentionally.” Luke countered.

“Is everything okay?” Alec spoke up as he stepped closer, Izzy and Jace remained further away.

Magnus spun on his heels and pointed a finger at him as he snapped yet again, “stay out of this rich boy!”

“Magnus!” Luke and Clary called at the same time.

“Please, Luke, please.” Magnus pleaded, turning back to him,“I need to go.”

“I’m sorry Magnus, but I won’t change my mind, you cannot take the bus.” Luke insisted, “I’ll lock you in your room if I have to.”

Magnus was just about to respond, but Alec was quicker, “I’ll take him.”

  
  


Following another small battle, Luke agreed, but only after a stern and serious warning to both Alec and Magnus. Without getting into too many details, Luke explained to Alec to keep his eyes on Magnus the whole time, to drive straight to there and straight back, and of course, to update him with a message every 15 minutes.

Once his briefing was done, Magnus and Alec were on their way, sitting silently for the first five minutes of the drive.

“So are you gonna tell me where we’re going?” Alec finally asked, breaking the silence.

Magnus kept his eyes firmly on the window, looking out at the passing view as he replied shortly, “no.”

“Well, then we have a problem, because I can’t drive you when I don’t know where we’re actually driving to.” Alec responded with a hint of humor.

“I’ll give you instructions as we go along.” Magnus spoke coldly, still angry at the world.

“Look, you’re clearly going through something, but I am driving you to what seems to be New York, so you could at least be polite to me.” Alec told him, not unkindly.

Magnus released a heavy sigh and looked over at Alec, “sorry, you’re right.” he conceded, looking down and examining his nails, “it’s just been a rough few days.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

  
  


When they arrived at their destination, Magnus was glad that Alec said nothing as it became clear where they were. “Wait here.” he said shortly, “I’ll be back soon.”

“Luke told me to keep my eyes on you the whole time.” Alec immediately countered, “and he can be pretty scary, so…”

“Luke is just exaggerating, don’t worry about it.” Magnus shrugged it off.

“Magnus, I don’t know what all this mystery is all about, but Luke seemed very serious about this, so I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go out there alone.” Alec insisted calmly.

Magnus sighed and conceded, “fine, whatever.” he muttered, “just keep your distance.” Magnus was already barely holding it together, and the last thing he needed was another meltdown in front of Alec.

So as they walked through the gate into the small cemetery, in the worst part of Brooklyn, Magnus marched ahead in an all too familiar path. As promised, Alec stayed a few meters behind, enough that he probably couldn’t see the writing on the headstone Magnus stopped at.

_ Raphael Ortiz Santiago _ _   
_ _ 23.07.1993 - 12.11.2008 _

Five years and it never got easier, he could barely remember what happened, because his mind blanked out completely that day. All he could remember was Raphael stepping in front of him, then next thing he knew, Magnus was holding on to his dead body, both of them covered in his blood. 

But Magnus didn’t budge, he held onto his foster brother for dear life for what felt like hours, but couldn’t be more than ten to fifteen minutes, when Luke arrived at the scene.

Magnus kneeled in front of the grave, and hesitantly brushed his fingers over the engraved name, “It never gets easier.” he whispered into the air, “you were the only one that I could ever talk to, the only one who really knew me…” Magnus let his voice trail off into silence. He took a deep breath to compose himself before he went on, “and you saved my life despite the ugly truth. I keep thinking that I wasn’t worth it.”

After lingering for another short moment, Magnus retracted his hand and bowed his head, “there’s just too much happening and I don’t know how to cope with any of it.” he went on, wiping away the few stray tears that ran down his cheeks, “I keep feeling like I’m about to explode at any second, and I really need you, I need you Raphael, so bad.”

**...**

Alec watched at a safe distance as Magnus kneeled before a grave, which he couldn’t really see. He had his back to Alec, and if Magnus was talking, Alec couldn’t hear any of it. Magnus’ shoulders were shaking ever so slightly, and Alec was itching to go to him and wrap his arms around him again, and protect him from whatever is bothering and hurting him.

But he respected Magnus’ wishes and stayed back until the older boy stood and walked back towards him. Alec stayed quiet as they walked back to the car and got in it, he seemed to be miles away and Alec was afraid to say the wrong thing, because he barely understood what was happening and didn’t know how to react to it, or if his reaction was even wanted.

They were half way back to Alicante when he finally broke, “if you want, we could go to the Jade Wolf on the dock, they have great food.” Alec suggested carefully.

To his surprise, Magnus looked up at him with soft eyes and smiled faintly, “yes, I would like that.” he said, then looked down at his phone in his lap, “I’ll just let Luke know.”

  
  


So twenty minutes later, they were sitting in the Jade wolf, at a candle lit table out on their porch, as people passed by along the promenade.

“You’ve been very kind and patient with me today.” Magnus spoke suddenly, looking up at him after a long while of being silent, “I know I haven’t been easy today, so thank you.”

Alec smiled at him and reached out to hold his hand that lay on the table, Magnus seemed hesitant, but accepted it as he watched it happen, then looked up at Alec, “I can tell that a lot of things are going on in that head of yours, and I know that I’m probably not your first or best choice, but I'm here if you need.” Alec told him, wishing he could take all the pain away from the beautiful boy, because something in him snapped, and the game he played with Lydia was long forgotten, and he found himself actually caring and even desperately wanted to chase all his ghosts away.

To his surprise, after a long pause, Magnus shrugged and then began to speak quietly, “he was my foster brother, he died while saving my life.” 

_ Oh shit. _ Alec was not expecting it to be that dark… he supposed that it was one or both of his parents or… well, Alec wasn’t really sure what he was expecting. For a town so good at gossip and spreading rumors, Magnus’ backstory was the most well kept secret there was.

He just showed up in town one day, accompanied by Luke, who simply explained that they were fostering him, then two years later they officially adopted him, that’s it, that was all that was known about him, and Alec had never really cared enough before to be curious and want to know more. Not until recently.

“It is a long and grueling story, and I won’t go into detail, but I have been visiting him every year since.” Magnus went on, “so thank you for taking me.”

“I’m just glad I could help.” Alec managed, even though he was still stunned.

He had so many more questions and things he wanted to know, but he knew that if he voiced them, it would just push him further away and close him up. So he just allowed Magnus to open up at his own pace.

Their food arrived and they ate in comfortable silence, every so often exchanging light chit chat about nothing in particular. It was the most content Alec has been in a while.

“Alec?” a voice called suddenly, one which caused dread to build up in Alec.

Underhill, Raj and Samuel, who were on the basketball team with him, were walking by and had stopped right by their table.

“Oh my god, Alec are you guys on a date?” Raj questioned in a mocking tone, as the two others snickered behind him.

Alec panicked, because despite it being silently known, no one ever spoke of his sexual orientation out loud (and thus of his and Lydia’s “cheating” on one another), and he couldn’t afford for that to happen, lest his parents find out. Not to mention, that Magnus wasn’t part of the popular circle, which meant, it was basically social suicide to go out on a date with him.

“What?” he exclaimed incredulously, looking at Raj as if he fell off the moon, “don’t be ridiculous, of course this isn’t a date.”

Alec didn’t dare look at Magnus as he spoke, keeping his eyes firmly on his friends who looked very amused. Samuel looked over at Magnus then at their table, before looking at Alec again, “looks like a date to me.” he announced.

“God, no, definitely not a date.” Alec denied again, as if it were the worst thing in the world, trying to sound convincing, “Magnus is actually my tutor, and we were both hungry, so we thought we’d kill two birds with one stone.”

The three of them laughed at that, then Raj spoke, “okay, man, if that’s your story.” then they walked off, laughing.

Once they were out of sight, Alec finally looked at Magnus and couldn’t discern his expression, “look, I’m sorry about that.” he said quietly.

“Are you really that embarrassed to be seen with me?” Magnus asked in a sad voice that tore Alec’s heart to pieces, especially since he couldn’t fully deny it. 

“No, of course not, he was just.. They were gonna…” Alec stammered, trying to find the words, but failing miserably.

Magnus averted his gaze down to his fingers, which were picking at his nail polish, “Why are you only nice to me when we’re alone?”

“Look, Magnus I -” Alec began, but Magnus was quick to cut him off.

“You know what it doesn’t matter.” Magnus snapped, standing up from his seat, then a little more calmly, he went on, “you know, for a little while there, I really thought you weren’t such a jerk, but god… I guess you really got me fooled, didn’t you?”

“No Magnus, it’s not like that.” Alec tried again, but it was too little too late.

“Whatever, just leave me alone.” and with that he walked away.


	6. Take Me Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there Lovelies!
> 
> thanks so much for all of your kudo's and comments, they are always much appreciated!
> 
> so in this chapter I've "borrowed" one of my favourite Naley scenes ever. Hope you enjoy it!

_ I've been dreaming of oceans _ _   
_ _ Places where nothing's broken _ _   
_ _ So far away _ _   
_ _ Up and over the mountains _ _   
_ _ Beyond rivers and deep ends _ _   
_ _ I'm on my way _

**November 2012**

Alec tried to call and text Magnus the previous night, after the whole Jade Wolf incident, but hadn’t gotten any responses, so he decided to go to his home and find him. Problem was, it was early Sunday morning, and he didn’t want to wake up the whole family, so instead of knocking on the door and alerting the whole household of his presence, he decided to throw little stones at what he assumed was Magnus’ bedroom window.

Turned out his calculations were wrong, because, “trying to wake up Luke and Jocelyn?” he heard Magnus’ voice from behind him, then when Alec turned towards him and he was in his view, Magnus pointed up at the window he was throwing at, then added, “that’s their room.”

“Shit.” Alec muttered and dropped the rest of the stones in his hand, and when Magnus started walking back towards the front door, Alec ran forward and blocked his path, “wait, Magnus, I came here to apologise for last night, I feel terrible.”

“Great, you’ve apologised, you can go now.” Magnus dismissed and tried to walk past him again, but Alec stopped him once more.

“Please, let me explain.” Alec pleaded, and when Magnus just folded his arms and didn’t respond or walk away, he went on, “can we please sit?” 

Magnus took another moment, seemingly contemplating whether it was a good idea to hear him out, but then pointed towards the bench on the front porch and motioned for Alec to follow him. Alec released a sigh of relief and did as he was told, taking a deep breath as he sat down beside Magnus.

“Magnus, I can’t afford for my parents to find out about those rumours at school. I’ve been lucky enough for them to stay silent so far, but they’ve never been spoken out loud before and last night I just freaked out.” Alec explained, keeping his eyes on Magnus the whole time, glad when he just listened and didn’t look unconvinced, “but the main thing is, that... I don’t know how to do this, I’ve never actually cared this much.”

Magnus stayed silent for another moment, looking somewhere between confused and flabbergasted, then he finally managed in a quiet voice, “What are you saying?”

“Magnus, I screw up and around a lot…” Alec began leaning forward and grabbing Magnus’ hands in his gently, Magnus allowed it as he went on, “and being around you, I just don’t want to be that guy anymore.”

“Well, then who do you want to be, Alexander?” Magnus questioned, with more fight in his voice than before.

“I want to be someone who’s good enough to be seen with you.” Alec answered honestly, his voice low and eyes staring straight into Magnus’.

For a short moment Magnus looked back at him, as if analysing and decoding his words and eyes, then he sighed heavily and stood up abruptly, “you know, I wish you would have thought about that last night, because I actually opened up to you, I told you things I’ve never told anyone, and you just blew it. So at this point, there really isn’t anything you could say or do that would surprise -”

Alec stood just as abruptly and cut Magnus’ words off by cupping his face and pressing their lips together in a soft and lingering kiss. Then he pulled back ever so slowly, both his lips and his hands, and watched Magnus hopefully and slightly terrified.

“Except that.” Magnus looked bewildered, as he whispered, “you shouldn’t have done that.”

“I know.” Alec whispered back, “but I really wanted to.”

“Yeah…” then next thing he knew, Magnus wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Alec’s hands wrapped around Magnus’ middle, pulling him closer as their lips dragged together in a languorous kiss.

**...**

Magnus’ brain rarely shut off, like completely and utterly devoid of thoughts and worries and demons. But at that moment, when Alec was so close to him, with their lips connected, with their arms wrapped around each other… Magnus’ brain had nothing else in it other than Alec Alec Alec! Which was a new and exciting and very very scary feeling.

Not to mention that he wanted those strong large hands  _ everywhere. _

And then Magnus’ brain snapped back, because Alec’s lips may be magical, but they were not miracle workers, and his brain was bound to bounce back at some point.

“Wait, Alec, I…” Magnus murmured against Alec’s lips, trying to pull away, but failing because Alec’s lips were way too perfect and comfortable. So he forced himself to remember why this shouldn’t be happening and pulled back quickly, ripping away like a bandage, and taking a separating step back, “you have a girlfriend, and I refuse to be one of your pawns.”

“Oh, shit, right.” Alec muttered, and Magnus just gaped at him, because, seriously? But then Alec realised what he said and how Magnus was looking at him, and hurriedly waved his hands as if to cut off his terrible reaction, “no, I mean, right - you don’t know. Lydia is not my girlfriend, not really anyway.”

“Oh.” was all Magnus managed, because he was so fucking confused.

“Look, I promise I’ll explain everything, but can we please get out of here?” Alec closed the gap between them again, catching Magnus’ breath as he did so, because shit, Magnus actually wanted this. “Let me take you somewhere.”

“Okay…” Magnus choked out.

And without thinking about it any further, because Magnus was just sick of over thinking and just really really wanted to, they jumped into Alec’s car and drove off.

  
  


Maroon 5’s new single “Payphone”, rang through Alec’s metallic silver Jeep Wrangler Arctic, as they drove through the highway, leading to New York City. The windows were opened, allowing fresh autumn air to fill the car as they enjoyed the ride in comfortable silence, every so often exchanging a few words.

It was the most content Magnus had been in a very long time, and he found that he wasn’t even overthinking it too much.

“So where are you taking me?” Magnus finally asked.

“Well, I was thinking we could go walk through central park, maybe grab some coffee and bagels.” Alec told him with a small smile, glancing over at him as he spoke, “I like going there every so often, it’s a great place to get some quiet alone time.”

“I like that.” Magnus said with a hum, “I’ve always wanted to go in the Autumn, it’s supposed to be beautiful.”

“It is.” Alec confirmed.

“So who do you need a break from usually?” Magnus asked curiously, “when you go to the park I mean.”

Alec took a deep breath before responding, “usually my parents, they can be overbearing and controlling.” he explained with a sigh, “but I guess just in general, it gets exhausting always being the focus for everyone, my friends and family alike.”

“Oh, poor you, popular boy.” Magnus mock pouted with a hint of a laugh in his voice.

“Shit, yeah it does sound like high-class problems, doesn’t it?” Alec laughed with a sheepish smile.

“Nah, I get it.” Magnus waved it off, sinking back in his seat with his head turned to Alec, “I mean, I would hate to always be in the spotlight, which you are… at home, at school, on the basketball court, it does sound depleting.”

“You have no idea.” Alec glanced at him again with a small chuckle, “don’t get me wrong, I do love it most of the time, just sometimes I need a break from it all.”

“Well, you are hiding quite a big secret, so that has to be even more taxing.” Magnus added, “which for the record, I’m still absolutely stunned hasn’t gotten back to your parents yet.”

“I guess I’ve managed to come to a silent agreement.” Alec shrugs, keeping his eyes on the road, “Lydia and I got very good at keeping people quiet.”

“You can be quite scary, I guess.” Magnus hummed thoughtfully.

“You think I’m scary?” Alec asked in amusement.

“I think other people find you scary.” Magnus corrected quickly, “you don’t scare me.”

“Uh-huh…” Alec agreed in what sounded like a teasing tone.

And it dawned on Magnus that he actually was scared of the other boy, but not for the same reasons everyone else was.

**...**

After an hour’s drive, they parked the car at a public parking lot, not far from central park, and after stopping off to buy some bagels and coffee, they walked into the park and began strolling along the path.

“Lydia and I grew up together, our parents are best friends and basically betrothed us from the day we were born.” Alec begins his explanation, feeling nervous that Magnus wouldn’t understand, “and we really do love each other, but as best friends. It was clear to both of us, pretty early on, that our parents wishes won’t be coming true, because she’s lesbian and I’m gay.”

“Wait what?” Magnus blurted, looking stunned, and when Alec gave him a questioning look, he went on, “I just always assumed that you were both bisexual or something…”

“Yeah, those rumours did embellish the situation a bit.” Alec agreed with an amused chuckle, “but we each ‘cheated’ only with people from the same sex… I guess people just assumed that it was both, because we are pretending to be together, and well… people like to talk and exaggerate, without any regard to reality or accuracy.”

“Wow, that is… impressive.” Magnus looked up at him with a dazzled expression, “I mean to pull that off in such a gossip centric town, that is Oscar worthy.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Alec smiled at him, “anyway, it all started to get our parents off our backs, because they were constantly pushing for it, and was all just becoming really annoying. So we made a deal that we pretend to date while secretly seeing other people. We never actually cared if people at school knew we were ‘cheating’, as long as it didn’t get out to our parents.”

Magnus stared at him dumb founded, with the most adorable expressing which he had the sudden strong urge to kiss away. “So how do I fit into all of it?” Magnus asked when he finally managed to brush off his shock.

“Well, you don’t really.” Alec said honestly.

“Oh?”

“Well, this is all very new to me, I’ve never actually felt anything real towards anyone.” Alec explained truthfully, the most bare he has been in a long time, if ever, “and I don’t want you to fit you into all that, I want it to be different, because you are very different.”

By then they had somehow both halted their movements, neither seeming to notice as they gravitated to stand face to face, “you are full of surprises, aren't you, rich boy?” Magnus asked teasingly with a smirk, as they inched even closer.

“You have no idea…” Alec whispered, eyeing Magnus’ lips, then diving in to capture his bottom one between his own, sucking it into his mouth, kissing the smaller boy hungrily as he wrapped his arms around him.

Magnus kissed back and wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck again, but when Alec tried to lick his way into Magnus’ mouth, the older boy abruptly pulled away, putting some distance between them.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Alec said hurriedly, “I didn’t mean to get carried away, was it too much?”

Magnus was clearly trying to keep his eyes anywhere but on Alec, but the latter could see the turmoil in them as he began to stammer, “no, it’s not you… I just… I’m not - I…”

Alec closed the gap between them again and cupped Magnus’ face gently, forcing him to look up at him finally, “hey, hey… it’s okay, we can take it as slow as you need.” Alec promised.

“It’s just, you’re new to me too.” Magnus explained with a low voice, “and I’ve never… I haven’t been with anyone, and I just need a bit of time to get used to it all.”

“I get it, it must be overwhelming.” Alec responded, then with some hesitance and stammering, he went on, “but if you don’t mind me asking, because you said you don’t like to be touched, and I don’t want to over step, although you seemed fine with it lately…”

“Yeah, it’s a umm…” Magnus began, trailing off.

“Long and gruling story?” Alec finished.

“Yeah, something like that.” Magnus agreed with a smile, “it’s a sore spot of mine, but with you… somehow it isn’t as daunting.”

“Good, that’s good…” Alec smiled softly, “so how am I different?”

“I don’t know.” Magnus replied honestly, shrugging his shoulders.

**...**

It was almost five pm by the time Alec stopped his jeep outside Magnus’ house, putting it in park and turning to face him with a soft smile, “I had a great time with you today.” Alec told him, making his heart race even harder.

“Yeah, me too.” he agreed.

Then Alec leaned in ever so slowly, as Magnus’ breath caught in his throat in anticipation, but their lips barely brushed when the front door opened and Luke came storming out of the house, “Magnus Bane, you get out here this instant.” he basically growled, causing dread to build in his belly.

“Shit…” he muttered, then with a last apologetic glance at Alec, he walked out of the car and took cautious steps towards his adoptive father, who was the epitome of fury.

“Have you any regard to your safety?” Luke questioned angrily as Magnus stepped closer, “do you even care at all how worried you had us?”

Magnus was about to reply, when Alec tapped next to him and spoke before he could, “I’m sorry mr. Garroway, this was all my fault.” he quickly took the blame, “I asked Magnus to come with me, and we kinda lost track of time and forgot to -”

“Alec, this is between me and my son.” Luke cut him off, not unkindly, “please go home and let me talk with Magnus privately.”

“Yeah, okay, sorry…” Alec mumbled, then turned to Magnus with a shrug and apologetic smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Magnus whispered back and waved with his hand as Alec got back in his car, then drove off.

“Magnus, your father is still out there, and you have to start taking this more seriously,” Luke went on, more calmly, “if not for yourself, then at least for us, you had us very worried.”

“But I was fine, I was with Alec.” Magnus retorted with an eye roll, he was beyond extremely sick of the whole ordeal.

“You may have been perfectly safe, but you didn’t even bother to let us know that you were leaving or where you were going.” Luke raised his voice again, “it was extremely irresponsible of you, and you are now officially grounded.”

“But Luke -” Magnus tried.

“I really don’t care what you have to say.” Luke cut him off angrily, “one week, only school and home, no friends, no TV and no phone.”

“That’s completely unfair!” Magnus snapped.

“Oh, you think that’s unfair?” Luke asked, slightly mocking, “Magnus, your birth father was in prison for a reason, and he ran away from a life sentence, and until you get that through your thick head, I will be keeping close eye on you, because it really will be unfair once he gets hold of you due to you recklessness.”

Magnus knew that Luke was right, logically, he knew, but at that moment he couldn’t think logically, all he could think about was how sick he was of living a life of fear and scars and trauma.

“Well, I’ve survived many years in worse circumstances.” he retorted stubbornly, “I really doubt he can do any more damage.”

“Magnus -”

“No! I’m just sick and tired of always having to look over my shoulder.” it was Magnus’ turn to cut Luke off, “and for what? We both know that I’m already beyond repair, so what does it really matter?”

“Magnus, you are not damaged or beyond repair.” Luke countered softly, “you may have been through some real shit, but you survived it, and you have a new life worth living for, and staying safe for. You have a new family that loves you.”

“I know, I’m just… I’m just so exhausted Luke, and I can’t take all this weight anymore.” Magnus wasn’t sure where it all came from, and why he was finally confiding in anyone other than his own mind, but he knew that he trusted Luke, and that he needed to start letting him in if he wanted to get out alive.

Luke stepped closer, and ever so slowly - giving him enough warning and time to pull away - he wrapped his arms around Magnus, and pulled him in close for a comforting hug.

“I know.” Luke whispered, “but you’re not alone.”


	7. Cut Me Deep, These Secrets & Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there Lovelies!
> 
> so sorry about the delay! I had a few hectic days...
> 
> thanks again for all your love and support, you all are so great!
> 
> this chapter is a bit... well, you'll see. but brace yourself, it's... angsty.

_ I see that look in your eyes _ _   
_ _ It makes me go blind _ _   
_ _ Cut me deep, these secrets and lies _ _   
_ _ Storm in the quiet _

_ Feel the fury closing in _ _   
_ _ All resistance wearing thin _ _   
_ _ Nowhere to run from all of this havoc _ _   
_ _ Nowhere to hide from all of this madness, madness, madness _ _   
_ _ Madness, madness, madness _

**December 2012**

“Alec!” Lydia exclaims as his strong hand grips her arms and pulls her off to the side, straying her off the path up to the school. “Alec, what are you doing?” she went on when he didn’t respond.

But he waits until they are far enough away from prying eyes and ears, then finally stops and looks at her, “the bet, our bet, it’s off.” he announces in a low tone, clearly catching her off guard.

Lydia frowns and eyes him before finally responding, “what do you mean?”

“Our little scoring game, I am out, you win.” he explained slowly, making sure she understood, “I can’t do it anymore.”

For another long moment, Lydia just looked at him dumbfounded, then narrowed her eyes and cocked her eyebrow, with a knowing grin, “you like him.” she stated, and when he went to protest, she cut in quickly, “you do, don’t you? Don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t know.” Alec told her honestly, then sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, “I just know that I can't keep lying to him, he doesn’t deserve it.”

“It ever bothered you before.” Lydia stated, folding her arms and eyeing him down, “how is he any different?”

“He just is!” Alec snapped, then tried to calm himself with a deep breath, because he knew he wasn’t angry at her, “sorry, I just… please, can we call it off?”

“Shit, I cannot believe this!” Lydia exclaimed, half amused, half pissed, “that pathetic loner has you whipped.”

”Don’t call him that.” Alec warned in a low, threatening tone, “and I am not whipped.”

“Then prove it, just fuck him and leave him, like you always do.” Lydia challenged, clearly trying to break him down, “this is the fucking tie-breaker, you can’t back down now.”

Alec hesitated for a moment, but not because he was actually considering it, but because he was suddenly hit and taken aback that he  _ didn’t  _ even consider it. There was no shadow of a doubt, and Lydia wasn’t even close to convincing him.

“I said no.” he asserted firmly.

The defiance that appeared on the blonde girl's face, had worry bubble in the pit of his stomach, but he refused to show it. He had seen Lydia at her best and worst, had witnessed what happened to people that got on her bad side. But he had always been on her good side, and they had been best friends since they were toddlers, there was no way she would ever turn on him. Not for this stupid bet. Right?

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, you are not backing out on me now.” Lydia folded her arms and cocked her hip, piercing him with her icy blue eyes, “we have to break the tie.”

Alec snorted and folded his arms as well, “if you care so much about the win, then I forfeit, you win, I don’t care.” He told her, starting to get agitated and annoyed by her behaviour.

“you signed the contract.” Lydia hissed, causing Alec to laugh.

“we were drunk when we wrote it.” he threw his hands in the air in disbelief.

Lydia opens her bag in angry movements and pulls out a laminated piece of paper, shoving it at Alec, “number ten, if either side shall stray, or claim to want out, it is up to the other side to put him back on path.” she recited.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually care.” Alec shook his head, watching her in shock, “we were drunk and bored when we came up with the bet and wrote that stupid contract, we never took it so seriously, why now?”

Lydia’s eyes softened suddenly, maybe even turned a bit vulnerable, which caught Alec off guard. But as he tried to figure out what in the world was going on with her, she hardened again, “what about our whole relationship?” she questioned in a hard tone, “you chasing after him is a huge risk to our image, to our cover.”

“I don’t know, Lyds.” Alec sighed heavily, “I don’t have the answers, I barely even know what I'm feeling, all I know is that I don’t want him to be part of this bet anymore.”

“So choose a different target.” Lydia suggested with a shrug, as if they were talking about nothing more than trading cards.

“I’m sorry Lydia, but I’m out.” when she opened her mouth to argue again, he immediately cut her off, “no, Lyds, I’m sorry, but it’s over.”

Alec's stern look turned soft when Lydia gave him her infamous puppy eyes, which always worked wonders to melt his heart, “what about us?” she questioned in a small, sad voice, “are we over?”

Alec quickly stepped forward and cupped her face, “no, of course not, you will always be my best friend, you know that.”

“But what about our parents? Our relationship?” it was extremely rare to see her that way, so vulnerable. She was usually so strong and fierce, like nothing could ever get to her. Even Alec had only seen her break very few times.

“We will figure it all out, I promise.” Alec told her in a gentle voice, “we will find a way.”

Lydia didn't look too convinced, but smiled and nodded anyway, “yeah, okay.” she conceded.

Alec smiled back then glanced over her shoulder where he spotted Magnus walking up to the school with Clary and Simon. When Lydia cleared her throat, he realized with a jolt that he’d been staring. “Sorry, umm, I gotta go, but we’ll talk later okay?” he looked back down at Lydia again, then hugged her as she agreed.

“Fine, see you then, I guess.” she mumbled, her eyes still sad, which Alec hated, but he knew that they could make it through.

With a final goodbye and promise to talk later, Alec ran off towards Magnus.

**...**

As soon as Alec turned his back, Lydia's gaze turned ice cold as she glared at his retreating back. She did not like it, not at all. Besides the fact that he bailed on their bet, she was losing him to that loser. And she couldn’t let that happen.

Not only would it be humiliating for her to be left for  _ him _ , but it would also increase the chances of their parents finding out. And they had both worked so hard to let some boy come between them and ruin it all.

Alec was just confused, the boy probably had some kind of stupid spell on hm, and it was up to her to help him get out of it. So as she continued to glare, while Alec walked up to Magnus and they just both stood there like two idiots, then finally hugged awkwardly, she started to form a plan.

Lydia’s lips twisted into a wicked smile, and when the two boys disappeared from her view, she started walking towards the school too.

During lunch time, Lydia pulled Raj aside and handed him her’s and Alec’s contract without saying a word. The Indian boy looked down at it confused, but as he read the content, he started to realise what it was. “Shit, you actually made a contract?” he exclaimed with a pleased smile, “I mean, we knew you guys were getting around, but I had no idea -”

“Focus, Raj.” Lydia cut him off impatiently and folded her arms, “I need your help.”

“I’m not banging you, if that’s what you mean.” Raj took a step back with his hands in the air, “that would just be weird.”

Lydia rolled her eyes, “ew, no.” she said in disgust, “I need you to show that to Magnus Bane.”

Raj frowned at that, “what? Why?” he then skimmed the contract, and before Lydia could respond, he noticed the list of names on the other side and it dawned on him, “ohhhh, I get it.” he grinned cheekily, “so that’s why Lightwood was on a date with him.”

Lydia looked at him distastefully at that, “yes.” she gritted.

“Wow, never took you for one to play dirty.” Raj laughed, and before Lydia could respond, he went on, “I mean, looks like it's the tie-breaker, and from what I’ve seen, it's your only way to win.”

Lydia huffed, “I could win without cheating, thank you very much.” she snapped, wondering to herself when Raj had become less stupid - at least enough to figure that out. The question was on the tip of his tongue, but stopped herself because she knew that insulting his intelligence wouldn’t work in her favour if she wanted him to help her. 

“Look, I just need you to tell Magnus that he was just a bet, and show this to him.” Lydia went on, trying to keep her cool.

“Why not tell him yourself?” Raj asked with a frown.

Lydia exhaled slowly, “because, Raj, if I tell him, Alec will surely find out, and I can’t have that.” she explained slowly.

“And it’s okay if he finds out it's me?” Raj’s frown deepened, “it will destroy our friendship.”

“Oh, who cares?” Lydia waved him off, “you hate Alec, you only hang out with him for his popularity.” when Raj gasped incredulously, she rolled her eyes and added, “don’t worry, I’ll make sure you won’t suffer the consequences.” of course she couldn’t care less what happened to Raj.

**...**

Both Magnus and Alec were not ready yet to have their… whatever they were advertised to the entire school. So they kept their encounters during the day to a minimum, and if they did meet up, they kept it casual. If anyone questioned why they were together, they just said that Magnus was tutoring him, which was basically the truth. They just emitted the… extra parts.

Surprisingly though, Magnus found himself wanting, longing to kiss Alec again. Which was beyond mind-boggling to him, and even a bit scary. How had he succeeded in getting so close so quickly?

Magnus was so deep in thought, that when he was suddenly grabbed and yanked out of his path, he yelped and almost jumped out of his skin. He started fighting against whoever it was, until he finally caught sight of his face and realised who it was.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Alec cringed apologetically, as Magnus tried to calm his beating heart. They were now standing behind a massive tree, so they were both hidden from sight. “I just… I needed a moment alone with you.”

Just as Magnus finally manages to compose himself, and was about to ask if there was any specific reason he wanted to be alone with him, Alec captures his lips with his own. It starts out slow and gentle, so the older boy isn’t too overwhelmed or taken aback. But then Alec grabs his hips, pulling him even closer as he pushes Magnus’ back against the tree. 

And Magnus tries to let go, really he does, because it actually feels terrific, but as Alec tries to deepen the kiss further, he pushes him away and turns his head. The smaller boy clenches his eyes shut as he tries to compose himself.

“Fuck, Magnus, I’m so sorry, I din’t mean to...” Alec’s voice trailed off as Magnus finally looked back up at him and shook his head.

“Don’t be, you were great, the kiss was great.” Magnus tried desperately to keep his voice stable, “it is just a bit too much for me.” as he confessed, Magnus couldn’t help but wonder if Alec would get impatient, if he would realise that Magnus wasn’t worth waiting for.

Alec smiled, that same god-damn perfect lopsided smile, “it’s okay.” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for a gentle hug, “there’s no rush.”

  
  
  


After their… moment by the tree, Alec had to go to basketball practice and Magnus started to walk down the path, back to the main road. But as he was approaching the end of the path, he noticed Raj, standing there.

Magnus rolled his eyes and cursed internally when he realised he was waiting for him, because it wasn’t bound to end well. “Shouldn’t you be in practice?” Magnus questioned impatiently as he neared him.

Raj eyed him for a moment longer before finally responding, “I’ve still got a few minutes.” he said looking down at his watch.

“And you chose to spend them with me?” Magnus questioned cynically, “I’m honoured.”

Surprisingly, Raj caught on quickly and smeared, “look, I’m here for your own good, so you better be nice to me.”

Magnus would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious, but then again, it was Raj - so he couldn’t take him too seriously, “what are you talking about?” he questioned, even though he still wasn’t sure he really wanted to know.

Raj rummaged through his backpack for a long moment, and Magnus folded his arms and sighed impatiently, wondering if maybe he was making a mistake. Could be this was all just a huge prank which will inevitably lead to his humiliation.

Finally Raj’s hand emerged with a folded piece of paper, that looked old and rippled, “here it is.” he announced and handed it over to Magnus, who just eyed it suspiciously.

“What is that?” Magnus questioned, making no advances to take the paper out of the other boy's hand.

“Just take it.” Raj insisted, waving it in front of his face, but when Magnus still hesitated, he went on, “hey, it’s for your own good.”

“How so?” Magnus arched an eyebrow.

“Well, Lightwood may deny it, but I know that there is something cooking between the two of you.” Raj said with a knowing smirk, “and you should probably take a look at this before you get in too deep.”

Unable to hold back any longer, Magnus grabbed the paper and unfolded it, his hands shaking as he began to read the content. It took him a moment until he realized what it was he was looking at, but once he did, he felt his breath catch in his chest.

“Wait until you see the other side.” he could distantly hear Raj’s voice.

When he was done skimming through the one side, his eyes unable to focus enough to read in depth, Magnus turned it over and almost choked in a gasp when he saw the content on it. There were two lists with Lydia’s and Alec’s names bolded and underlined on the top. Beneath each of their names were lists of other names, and Magnus felt bile rise up when he saw his name at the bottom of Alec’s list.

What kind of a sick game was that?

Raj was saying something, but Magnus couldn’t make out what it was, nor did he care at that moment. All he wanted was to get out of there and far away as possible. So without another word, Magnus spun on his heel and ran off blindly.

Of course it wasn't real, how could it be? Why did he even dare to think so to begin with? He got so caught up in Alec’s spell, in his charm, in the fantasy of finally being with the boy he was crushing on for the longest time. 

If he had only used his brain, if he hadn’t let his guard down… how had it felt so real? How had Alec felt so genuine? 

  
  
  


Magnus ignored Raj as he called out to him, he couldn’t even comprehend the words the other boy was saying as he turned his back and just walked away. At first his steps were hesitant and shaky, but the further he got, the more the shock and hurt turned to anger, causing his steps to be more determined. 

His blood was boiling as he stormed into the gym, not stopping for even a second to calm his nerves or compose himself. Magnus ignored all the strange looks he was getting and Hodge, the basketball coach, calling to him, and just marched straight to the locker room. 

Alec was sitting on the bench next to his open locker, bent over and tying his shoes. He froze mid-action when he saw Magnus, then stood with only one shoe tied. He clearly realized that this was not a warm and fuzzy surprise visit, because he was frowning and looked concerned, “Magnus, wha-” he began but the smaller boy cut him off with a slap.

The whole room went silent, as the impact of Magnus’ palm slapping against Alec’s cheek echoed through the room. Magnus couldn’t care less that he caught everyone’s attention, that Hodge had followed him into the locker room and was probably going to give him detention. 

Alec's face was turned to the side, as he slowly lifted his hand and gently lay it on his reddening cheek. Magnus shoved the crumpled piece of paper in his hand to the taller boy's chest, making sure to do so as roughly as possible, causing Alec to grunt. “Fuck you, Alec.” Magnus yelled, feeling treacherous tears prickling at his eyes, “you promised me, and I trusted you. I trusted you.”

Alec finally straightened up and looked down at the paper, his eyes widening in shock, “shit, no, Magnus, please I -” he tried, but Magnus cut him off again.

“Can explain?” he asked mockingly, folding his arms, “I’m sure you can. But I’m done eating your shit. So leave me the fuck alone.”

Magnus turned to leave, but Alec quickly grabbed him and pulled him back, “Magnus, please, let’s go somewhere quiet and talk about this.” he pleaded, but Magnus was having none of it.

“I thought I could count on you to be honest with me.” Magnus looked up at him, the anger slowly sizzling and turning back to hurt.

“You can, just give me a moment to explain.” Alec tried to step closer, but Magnus just jumped back and pulled his arm out of his grip.

“For what? So you can lie to me again?” Magnus snapped, his throat burning and threatening to betray him, “I was honest with you, I opened up to you” Magnus said in a low voice, afraid his voice would break, “I told you things I never told anyone, and you looked me straight in the eye and lied.”

“No, Magnus, I didn’t - ” Alec tried in a weak voice, but Magnus just shook his head.

“I guess it runs in your family.” He bit, wanting to make Alec hurt like he was hurting. Then he finally looked around him, and noticed almost the whole team and Hodge, all standing around in utter shock.

Luckily no one said a word, as he spun on his heel and left, thankfully managing to hold it together until he left the premises. Then he made his way to the only place he ever felt remotely whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **runs to hide**
> 
> I know I know, it's terrible! but what can I say? You should know by now how I love me some angst. And yeah, I love jerk to softy Alec, it's my weakness... 
> 
> so the truth is finally out... poor Magnus, just when he FINALLY started really opening up to someone...
> 
> Hopefully Alec will find him and make it better!
> 
> please let me know what you think!


	8. Whatever It Takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there my Lovelies!
> 
> hope you are all doing well! thanks so so much for all of the support, it truly means the world to me!
> 
> I know that last chapter was kinda rough, and a lot of you are upset with Alec... hopefully this chapter is a bit better?
> 
> It's actually my favourite chapter so far and I really enjoyed writing it! I can't wait to hear what you think about it!

_ I'll do whatever it takes _ _   
_ _ To turn this around _ _   
_ _ I know what's at stake _ _   
_ _ I know that I've let you down _ _   
_ _ And if you give me a chance _ _   
_ _ And give me a break _ _   
_ _ I'll keep us together _ _   
_ _ I know you deserve much better _

**December 2012**

“How could you do this to me?” 

The loud, angry voice echoed through the hushed library, causing the Librarian to shush the boy harshly, with a reprimanding glare. But he ignored her as he approached the subject of his fury. 

Lydia lifted her eyes, surprisingly calm and dared to smile in amusement, “Alec, what on earth are you talking about?” she questioned innocently.

“Don’t play dumb.” Alec snapped again, impatiently, “why would you do this?”

But Lydia still looked confused as she gestured for him to sit, “Alec, slow down and sit.” she told him, and he obeyed, with a huff as he folded his arms, “good, now please explain from the beginning what happened.”

Alec took a deep breath, “Magnus, he has the contract.” When Lydia straightened and raised her eyebrow, he went on with more fury, unfolding his arms and waving them frantically, “ _ the _ contract,  _ our _ contract.” Then after another pause, he pointed an accusatory finger, “the one you had last.”

Lydia looked at him horrified and gasped, then snapped into action and began rummaging through her bag. Alec clenched his jaw, watching her frenzied movements, trying to decipher if she was putting on an act or not. “No, that can’t… it can’t be, Alec, it was right here, I swear.” She looked up at him with wild, worried eyes, “it must have fallen out, or maybe someone found out and took it.”

But Alec was still suspicious as he narrowed his eyes, “we were so careful, how could this have happened?”

Lydia shrugged her shoulders and shook her head slowly, “I swear, I have no idea, Alec.” she grabbed his hand between both of hers and looked him straight in the eye, “I would never do that to you, not after everything we’ve been through.”

Alec took another deep, calming breath, releasing it with a sigh as he nodded, “yeah, I know.” he bit his bottom lip, trying to make sense of something, anything. But his thoughts were in a jumble and he just couldn’t think straight, “who would have done this?”

Lydia shook her head again, “I’m not sure, but I promise you we will find out, together.” then she scanned him with a concerned look, “I’m guessing Magnus didn’t take it well.”

Alec snorted, “that’s the understatement of the year.” he then told her how Magnus had barged into the locker room, how everyone just stood there and watched, even Hodge. “It was terrible.” then with a pensive hum, “funny thing is, I couldn’t care less about the audience we had, all I cared about was the pain I clearly caused him.”

“Shit, that is surprising.” Lydia seemed to consider that for a moment, “you’ve never cared about the effects of your actions on your prey.”

“Magnus is not my  _ prey. _ ” Alec spat in disgust, causing Lydia to lift her hands in defeat.

“Your words, not mine.” Lydia defended herself, and Alec couldn’t argue with that, because he was the one who always used that term for the boys he claimed. He had never given it a second thought, never even flinched or blinked. But neither did any of the other boys he was with. They were all looking for just fun, like him. 

Then Magnus came along, and strayed him off that path. 

Not only did he no longer want to play, he was now starting to wonder what on earth he was thinking. It all seemed so meaningless and insignificant now, like a whole different life he wanted nothing to do with anymore. “I have to find him.” he choked out.

“Did you try to explain?” Lydia questioned.

“Yes, but he wouldn’t listen, rightfully so.” Alec grunted in frustration, “he just ran off, and by the time I got outside, he was gone.”

“Shit.”

“I just walked out and skipped practice.” Alec continued, staring ahead, “Hodge will be so pissed, but I just have to find him.”

Alec then searched the school grounds inside out, but Magnus was nowhere to be found. By the time it suddenly clicked, and he realised where he must be, Alec already knew he was probably too late. And sure enough, by the time he reached the dancing studio, the sun was already setting and the place was closed and empty.

**…**

Magnus refused to cry. He refused to shed a single tear over a boy who clearly was not worth it, or any of his anger and pain. He forced himself to shove it down, lock it all up and focus on the movements of his body to the music. Luckily it was a Wednesday, when there were only morning classes, so he had the place to himself.

After a brief stretching, he put the stereo on loud, and began moving to the beat. He hoped to drown in the harsh pounding of the bass. Lose complete control, and give it all to his body as it danced. Usually it worked. Usually it was the only place he could shut off.

But nothing about the whole thing was usual. Nothing about Alec was usual. So he couldn't just forget. And he couldn’t just ignore the nagging in his brain. The stinging in his heart. How had he allowed him to get close enough to cause that pain?

It has been so long since anyone has managed to penetrate his walls like that, and yet not long enough. 

He tried to forget about Alec, who had managed to lure him in, in some twisted bet. He tried to forget about his father, who escaped prison and was now somewhere out there - likely trying to find him. He tried to forget his dark past. But no amount of dancing could change that.

Magnus knew that he should be calling Luke or Jocelyn to come pick him up, or at least get someone to walk him home. But if his birth father was out for him, he would likely find a way to get him, alone or not. And quite frankly, Magnus was tired and sick of it all. And he just didn’t care anymore.

After he was done getting ready, Magnus grabbed his bag, flung it over his shoulder and walked out the studio just as the sun began to set. He locked the door and set off in the direction of the Garroway household, unseeing and uncaring. His head was a jumbled mess he just couldn’t silence or make any sense of.

He walked home with his arms wrapped around himself, in a failed attempt for comfort.

“Where the hell have you been?” Magnus lifts his head at the sound of Luke’s angry voice, a little startled. He hadn’t even noticed that he had reached home. Before he could even comprehend any of it, his adoptive father went on, “You should have been home at least an hour ago, and you weren’t answering your phone.”

“I’m sorry, I was at the dance studio.” Magnus finally managed.

“Magnus, you shouldn’t be out on your own, you know that.” Luke reprimanding, a little softer, clearly concerned, “It’s not safe.”

“It’s been almost three months, and he still hasn’t come for me.” Magnus countered, folding his arms tighter, “he’s probably not even interested in me.”

Luke sighed heavily, “Well, we don’t know that for sure.” he said, a little calmer now, “and until we catch him, you have to take precautions, even if he really isn’t after you.”

This time Magnus sighed, still hugging himself, “okay, you’re right.” he conceded, devoid of energy to argue any further, “I’m sorry.”

He was looking down at the ground, but he could still feel the heavy weight of Luke’s gaze on him. The same one he used every-time Magnus assured him that he was okay, like he was trying to scan him with his eyes - to really make sure that Magnus was in fact okay.

“What’s wrong, kiddo?” of course, Magnus should have known better than to try and fool a detective who had high instincts and an incredible amount of perceptiveness. But Magnus couldn’t bring himself to say the words aloud. He also couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

Luke caught on immediately, and after a slight hesitation, in slow movements, he stepped closer and wrapped his large arms around the small boy. When Magnus immediately melted into him, his body beginning to tremor, Luke tightened his hold on his boy. 

Magnus buried his face in Luke’s strong chest and just let go.

**…**

A few days later, Magnus found himself in the crowd of the first basketball game of the season. It was the absolute last place he wanted to be, but alas, his father was still at large, so he had no choice. The first game of the season was always a huge event in the town, and basically every single member of it came - whether they like basketball or not.

The Garroway’s were no different. And to Magnus’ dismay, it meant he had to go too because he couldn’t be left alone. 

By some miracle he managed to avoid Alec since their encounter in the locker room. Luckily, Alec was too caught up in his basketball training and practice. It still didn’t make any of it easy, but it was slightly easier without him in sight.

But he couldn’t avoid him during the game. No, Alec Lightwood was the star of the team, so he was completely in his face. Looking all sexy while wearing his uniform, all sweaty. Shooting and scoring basket, after basket, after basket.

Magnus couldn’t do this. It was harder than he expected, and all he wanted to do was just get out of there. He tried to wait it out, but they weren’t even at half game, and he was already feeling like he could explode at any minute.

He turned to Clary, who was sitting next to him, clearly eyeing her boyfriend in his uniform, running along the court. “Clary.” he called out to her softly, laying a hand on her arms to get her attention.

Her excited smile quickly fell off her face when she finally turned to him and noticed his grim expression. “What is it?” she questioned in concern, leaning into him a bit.

“I thought I could do this.” he murmured softly, scared he might choke up, “but I can’t.”

Clary didn’t know exactly what happened, but rumours about him barging into the locker room and his outburst, surfaced and spread like wildfire. And so she also inevitably heard about it, then demanded an explanation. 

So he gave her one. It was brief and to the point, trying to spare himself reliving all the details, but it was enough for her to understand and fume. She almost went out herself to attack Alec, which admittedly could have been quite entertaining to watch. Especially with her being so tiny and him so huge.

But he pleaded with her not to make a bigger deal out of it than necessary. He was already too humiliated as it was. And luckily she agreed, understanding that it wouldn’t do any good.

“Would you like me to come with you?” she questioned, looking between him and the court, but Magnus quickly shook his head, he could tell that she really wanted to stay. It was her first time watching Jace play as her boyfriend, after all.

“No, it’s okay.” he told her, smiling as best he could to convince her of his words, “stay, I’ll be fine.”

“But you’re not supposed to go off on your own.” she countered, still looking worried.

“I’ll go get Luke.” he gestured his head towards the general direction of where Luke and Jocelyn were sitting, “you stay and watch your boyfriend.”

Clary still didn’t look too convinced, but knowing that he was going to their father probably comforted her and convinced her into agreeing, “okay, but I’ll come straight home after the game.”

Magnus’ smile grew warmer, “I appreciate that.” he told her, but then shook his head, “but you should go out and have fun with Jace.” and when she tried to argue again, he went on, “at least one of us should have a great evening.”

Clary snorted, “fine, but I’ll make it up to you tomorrow evening.” she finally conceded.

“Deal.” he agreed, then stood to make his way down the steps and as far away as possible from Alec and the game. 

He hated lying to Clary, but he had no choice. He wanted to be alone, and he had no intention of actually getting Luke and ruining his evening as well.

**…**

This was far from his worst game, but it was also not his best. 

Alec did his best to concentrate on the game, and luckily he was a good enough player, that even at his worst he can play well. 

But for the first time in his basketball career, the court was the last place he wanted to be. He had felt so restless for the past few days, ever since that day in the locker room. He tried to call and text Magnus a few times, but he wouldn’t respond or answer. He also tried to talk to him at school, but the other boy was avoiding him so well, making it near impossible to get to him.

So Alec took a step back, hoping that maybe Magnus just needed some space and time to himself. And Alec wasn’t going to deny him that. He also had non stop basketball practice, so his time was fairly limited too.

The moment he saw Magnus sitting in the crowd with Clary, Alec had to physically force himself to stop looking at him every minute. He looked so sad and distant, even more than unusual, and Alec hated himself for being the cause of that.

Perhaps at the end of the game, he would finally manage to convince Magnus to talk to him. The thought of them finally talking, and Alec getting a chance to explain himself, was the only thing that kept him on the court, playing the game.

It wasn’t even halfway through the game when Alec caught sight of Magnus getting up from his seat. For a moment he hoped that he was just heading to get a drink or to the bathroom, but then he grabbed his jacket from the back of his seat and put it on. 

Alec looked back towards the court, at the game that was going on, just as the ball was thrown in his direction. He caught it easily enough, but found himself looking back towards Magnus who was now starting to head across the row of seats, towards the stairs, as his team mates called and shouted his name.

“Come on, Alec, shoot the ball!” he could hear his father’s loud voice, somewhere in the noise that surrounded him.

“Alec! What are you doing?” Hodge also yelled at him, “get moving!”

A few more short glances back and forth, between Magnus and the game, and Alec already knew what his next move was. He threw the ball over his shoulder, uncaring where it landed, and ran towards the stairs. He ignored all the chaos that erupted and his father’s and Hodge’s screams that were heard above it all. 

Magnus reached the stairs and was just beginning to walk down them, when Alec reached the bottom of them. They both froze for a moment, just staring at each other. Magnus looked so adorable in his dumbfounded state, that Alec couldn’t stop the large grin that spread on his face.

While the other boy seemed to be frozen in his spot, Alec quickly sprinted up the rest of the stairs separating them, no longer able to stand the distance between them.

When he reached Magnus, Alec kept one step between them, focusing all of his attention on the beautiful boy, uncaring of all the eyes that were on them.

“Alexander?” Magnus managed in a small voice, also seemingly unable to tear his eyes away from him. “What are you doing?”

“Something I should have done a long time ago.” Alec told him, stepping up the last stair and closer to Magnus.

“But the game…?” Magnus argued in an adorably soft voice, pointing half heartedly towards the court behind Alec.

Alec shook his head and smiled, lifting his hands to grab the lapels of his jacket, “whatever it takes.” he said simply, then pulled on the lapels as he leaned in and closed the gap between them, swallowing up the small gasp that escaped Magnus’ lips. He then snaked his arms around Magnus’ waist and pulled him in even closer, just as the other boy seemed to overcome his shock and start to kiss him back with the same excitement.

And as Magnus wrapped his own arms around Alec’s neck, completely surrendering to the kiss like never before, nothing else mattered.

  
  


“Alexander!” 

The two teenagers reluctantly tore apart, finally regarding their surroundings. They got so caught up, that both of them seemed to forget where they were. That they quite literally had a crowd watching them.

Alec continued to stare into Magnus’ eyes, somewhere between adoration and slight hesitation. Searching the other boy for any regret or animosity. Fortunately he didn’t find any of that. All that was reflecting back at him, was content.

Until his Father’s deep, angry voice broke through their bubble again, this time closer to them. “Alexander!” he hissed threateningly, “what do you think you’re doing?”

Alec grudgingly tore his eyes away from Magnus, and turned to look at his red-faced father, who looked just about ready to murder. “I’m finally doing what I want.” Alec retorted, Magnus’ grip and presence helping to calm his nerves and face his father bravely.

From the corner of his eye he could see Luke making his way to them, clearly not pleased with the situation.

“Are you seriously willing to throw everything away for…” Robert paused to look at Magnus, eyeing him up and in disdain, “this orphan boy?”

Alec was in his father’s face within seconds, no longer holding back or worried about consequences. “Don’t you ever talk about him like that.” he threatened, “and I’m not throwing anything away.”

“Wait until your mother hears about this.” his father hissed with a pointed finger.

But Alec just snorted in amusement, “yeah, maybe, if she would even be around.”

“Don’t speak about your mother that way.” Robert warned, “she is working hard.”

“Whatever.” Alec brushed it off quickly, not wanting to get into it. He just wanted to get back to kissing Magnus.

“Robert.” Luke, who finally reached them, spoke calmly, “this is not the time or place for this.”

Robert looked about to attack Alec again, but he stopped himself at the sound of Luke's voice. “Stay out of this, Garroway.” he snapped, looking over at the other father, “this is between my son and I.”

Luke gestured around them with spread arms, “are you sure?” he questioned, “besides, it is definitely my business when you attack my son.”

Robert snorted and was about to respond, but he then started looking around cautiously at the people that were still eyeing them, even though the game was still going on behind them. He glared at Luke, as if hating to have to agree with him and admit he was wrong. 

“We will talk about this at home.” he spat at Alec, then spun on his heels and stomped away.

Alec quickly spun back to Magnus, who was already stepping back closer to him, “are you okay?” he asked softly, staring into Alec’s hazels.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” Alec pleaded softly.

Magnus looks over his shoulder at his adoptive father, with a silent plea. “Go, just stay close.” Luke conceded, but not without a warning stare at Alec.

**…**

For the first ten minutes or so they stayed silent. They just walked along the docks, each deep in their own thoughts, in the after shock of the evening's events. 

Magnus was so out of it, he had no idea how he even managed to stand on his feet, let alone actually move his body. He was experiencing something somewhere between vertigo and whiplash. It was bizarre, thrilling and terrifying all at once.

“I can’t believe you did that.” he found himself murmuring under his breath with his eyes still staring in a haze ahead of him. Then after clearing his throat and shaking his head, he turned to look at Alec, “you actually…” his voice trailed off.

“Kissed you?” Alec smirked at him, pulling him in by the waist. And when did they even come to a standstill? 

“In front of the whole town!” Magnus choked out, completely overwhelmed by the whole thing, by Alec. “You’re crazy.”

“For you, yeah.” Alec smirked again, smugly that time. Magnus snorted, but before he could retort, Alec was leaning in. But before his lips could land on their destination, Magnus quickly turned his head, and he landed in his cheek instead.

Alec pulled back with a frown, and Magnus took a short moment before he turned his head back to Alec. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then exhaled deeply before looking up at Alec, who thankfully gave him the moment he clearly needed. 

“I just… I mean, I…” He tried, and groaned in frustration when words failed him.

“It’s okay, I get it.” Alec told him softly, with a small smile, “take all the time you need, we don’t need to rush this.”

“No, it’s not that…” Magnus murmured, averting his eyes to the ground and fidgeted with his rings, “I mean, yeah, that too, but…”

Magnus heard in Alec’s voice, rather than saw the frown, “what is it?” he questioned quietly, “Whatever it is, Magnus, you can tell me.” 

“It’s just…” Magnus took another deep breath then looked at Alec again, “we got so caught up, I got so lost in the moment, that I kinda forgot for a little while there, but I… I can’t get it out of my head.”

“The bet.” Alec said knowingly, with a clear pained look on his face, “I know, I know I hurt you. I was a jerk, it was a stupid bet, and I hate myself for hurting you like that. And I will do whatever it takes.”

“I know.” Magnus smiled sadly at him, “you proved it when you blew up your whole world by kissing me in front of the whole town, your dad included.” they both cringed at that, because, well… Robert Lightwood was a scary man. 

“It was so worth it.” Alec told him wholeheartedly, “You’re worth it, and I won’t stop proving that to you.”

Magnus bit his bottom lip, looking up at Alec and holding himself back. He had no idea what to say to that. He wasn’t used to having someone willing to sacrifice so much for him. But on the other hand he was still so scared. He had a hard time trusting as it was.

“It’s okay, take all the time you need.” Alec said after a long moment of silence, somehow just  _ knowing. _ “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Alec…” Magnus barely managed to whisper, it was becoming a little too much.

Alec stepped closer again, slowly and cautiously cupping his face and leaning their forehead together. “I know there is nothing that can excuse what I did…” he began in a low voice, then continued after a long, deep breath, “but I grew up with this… screwed up mentality shoved down my throat. I never learned anything better. I never wanted more than just that. But then you came along, and you flipped my world around…”

Magnus pulled back a little and looked up at Alec when he went silent for a long moment, he had no idea what to say, but he wanted to show Alec that he was heard, that he could understand. Who could understand more than him how the environment you grew up in can affect you? How old habits die so, so hard.

Alec's hands slowly slid down his sides and settled on his hips, “I told you I screw up a lot, but I really want this, I want you.” he finally went on, and Magnus had to force himself not to blurt out the question he was dying to ask. 

_ Why? _

Luckily Alec went on before he could voice it, “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I shouldn’t even be asking for it.” 

“Alexander.” Magnus finally managed to whisper into the small space between them, but nothing more than that.

“No, it’s true, you're worth so much more than how I treated you.” Alec insisted with a serious tone, “but I can’t…” his hands clutched at Magnus’ shirt on both sides and pulled him closer, “I know it’s selfish, but I just can’t let you go.”

Magnus couldn’t prevent the small gasp that escaped his lips, as Alec smiled softly at him as he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head slightly, “I can’t promise that I won’t make anymore mistakes, but I promise to never stop trying to make it up to you, to be the man you deserve.”

Alec then leaned in ever so slightly, he paused an inch or two away to allow Magnus a chance to pull away if he wanted to. But Magnus was so in awe, was so caught up in everything Alec, and all he wanted were those lips on him, so he leaned forward until their lips were just a hair away.

Then Alec wrapped him up in his arms, pulling him in so close to his chest, and closed that tiny gap, holding onto Magnus with what could only be described as a desperate grasp.

“Whatever it takes.” Alec eventually unfettered between kisses, “I promise, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

And despite everything, Magnus believed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww wow! so many emotions in one chapter, right?
> 
> what do you think? should Magnus forgive Alec? was him throwing everything away for Magnus enough to earn it?
> 
> also, that scene and the locker room scene from the previous chapter were both inspired by "A cinderella Story" with Hilary Duff..
> 
> please let me know what you think!


	9. They won't let me go the wrong way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there my lovelies!
> 
> so sorry about the brief hiatus.... I was busy moving, then I had food poisoning... and after that it took me a moment to get back into things... but thank you for being patient and hanging in there. also a HUGE thanks for all the love and support, as always - it is much appreciated!
> 
> anyway, I wont keep you waiting any longer!

_He worked so hard his bones are breaking_

_He wore them down but long ago he lost the feeling_

_His good intentions leave me shaking, show me how_

_I don't ever want to end up like he did_

_And_

_I don't want to live like my mother_

_I don't want to let fear rule my life_

_And I don't want to live like my father_

_I don't want to give up before I die_

**January 2013**

He was doing so well. 

He was actually pretty proud of himself for managing to avoid his father so professionally. And it definitely was not easy. Luckily his father was a busy man, running the city and all. So he didn’t have much time for his son, which Alec appreciated for once.

But alas, nothing lasts forever and his lucky streak came to an end. 

It took just about a whole week. A blissful, wonderful week of… well, Magnus. They spent almost every waking moment together, and it was absolutely amazing. Alec finally got to see a whole different side to Magnus. One he had only witnessed a glimpse of before. And it was beautiful. _He_ was beautiful.

Alec was itching to question him on how he found out about the bet, but he was too scared to bring it up again. He didn’t want to taint and ruin the good place he was in. and he didn’t want to stir up any further pain for Magnus. 

So he just enveloped himself in getting to know Magnus. 

It was strange and different from anything Alec was used to… he had never experienced this before. He’d never cared enough to want to get to know someone, to take things slow.

But it was definitely difficult. Alec had never taken anything slow. He was used to getting in immediately, then getting out soon after. But with Magnus, he didn’t want that. He wanted to take his time, no matter how hard. Not to mention, that he knew that Magnus wasn’t ready for anything too sexual, and he wanted to respect that. Willing to go at his pace.

It did make their tutoring sessions a little more... difficult. Alec couldn’t keep his hands or his lips off of Magnus. Magnus tried to be the responsible one and get him to focus, but eventually he would break too, and they would end up making out on the bench. Or in Magnus’ bed on rainy days.

They were usually eventually disturbed by Luke, due to the open door policy. It was all quite… embarrassing. But Alec also had a feeling that despite reprimanding them, Luke was also kind of… glad? To see him there with Magnus. To see Magnus have a deeper relationship with someone outside their little family.

All in all, it was bliss.

  
  


However, on Sunday evening the following week, as Alec was trying to sneak out the back door, his mother - who had returned from a business trip earlier that day - stopped him in his tracks.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood!” she called out sharply, just as his hand hit the door handle. He was so close!

Alec grunted in frustration and turned to his mother who stood with her arms folded, “aren’t you at least going to say hello to your mother? Who you haven’t seen in over a week?” she questioned in an odd cross between motherly and stern tone.

Alec smiled sheepishly at her, then walked over and gave her a hug, “sorry, hi mom.” he said as he pulled back, “I just had to go for a tutoring session.” it wasn’t exactly a lie, really.

His mother eyed him with a raised eyebrow, “yes, I’ve heard about your… _tutor_.” she said in disdain which annoyed the living hell out of him, but he didn’t want to start a fight with her at that moment.

“Wow, he already told you.” He intended for it to come out a little teasing and light, but his frustration ended up seeping into it, and it came out a little more like a snide remark. Of course he couldn't prevent the bitterness, because until they’re finally getting along, it’s to meddle and ruin Alec’s life.

“Don’t take that tone with me.” his mother reprimanded, any few traces of motherly warmth that was left, completely gone without a trace. “We are your parents, and we are worried about you.”

Alec couldn’t prevent the snort that bubbled out of him, any more than he could stop the words that escaped next, “yeah, right.” he glared at her as she gasped loudly, “all you care about is your precious reputation.”

“Alexander!” his father’s all too familiar growl filled the air with a cold strike, “do not speak to your mother that way.”

Alec looked over to where his father was standing in the archway between the kitchen and the dining room. The look on Robert’s face would have once rendered him to obedience, but in that moment, he finally fought back. “Why? It’s true.” he countered as his father stepped closer, “this whole thing is a thorn in your act of keeping up appearances.”

“How dare you?” his father roared.

“You might enjoy sweeping all your dirty secrets under the rug, pretend like they’re not real, but I don’t.” Alec lashed out, finally releasing all he had wanted to say for so long, “I finally went after what I want, without hiding.”

“What about Lydia?” his father questioned suddenly with a deep frown, “how could you do this to her?”

“Lydia knew about it, and she’s fine with it.” Alec actually had no idea what Lydia thought, because she had been avoiding him since the game, and understandably so. He was certain it couldn’t be easy for her, especially facing her parents. The whole school and town were gossipy, they would talk. And not the kind Lydia actually liked. But Alec couldn’t say that to his parents, “we were only together to please you and her parents, anyway.”

“Yes well, we would be lucky if the Branwells ever spoke to us again.” Robert snapped at him as only just realising that, losing his cool, “you completely humiliated them and their daughter.”

“No one really cares that much.” Alec countered, but his parents weren’t convinced. 

“Do you even realise what you have done?” his mother hissed, “to us, to our family.”

Alec frowned incredulously, “this isn’t about you.” he spat back.

“Of course it is.” Alec opened his mouth to snap again, but she beat him to it, “you’re either being selfish or naive, but you have humiliated us in front of the whole town.” then with another disapproving gaze and a small shake of her head, “I don’t even recognise you anymore.”

“I’m the same person I’ve always been, now everything’s just out in the open.” he hissed back at her, refusing to cower under her scrutinising gaze. 

His mother eyed him disapprovingly for a long moment, and Alec’s resolve almost broke. He had never seen her so disappointed in him, if at all. He had always been her golden boy, the pride and joy of her life. “And all for that orphan.”

At the sound of those words (again) Alec clenched his jaw and fist, holding himself back, trying hard not to react and make it worse. “Well he makes me happy.” he finally retorted, trying to keep calm, “Isn’t that what any parent wants for their child?”

“Alec, you not only walked off the court in the middle of the game, but you kissed that orphan in front of the entire town.” his mother kept up her fight, refusing to soften in the face of her son's happiness, “you embarrassed all of us.”

“Why?” Alec gritted without missing a beat, “because he’s a boy?”

“That is the least of our worries right now.” his mother told him, folding her arms, “the problem is, is that you chose Magnus Bane, of all people.”

“He has a dark past.” his father piped in, a little calmer than his mother, but still aggravated, “Alec, when Luke took him in I was told parts of his past, and there is so much you don’t know about him.”

“Well, then I plan to get to know him.” Alec insisted stubbornly. “And if you have a problem with that, I suggest you deal with it.”

“Alexander, you need to stop this foolishness at once.” his father interjected again, still standing a few steps away. “We want you to stop seeing that boy.”

“What? No!” Alec immediately snapped, shaking his head , “I won’t do that.” and without even waiting for any kind of response, he started to walk to the back door at the other side of the kitchen.

“Alexander!” his mother called after him, “that boy is nothing but trouble, and I will not allow you to ruin your life for him.”

“Not to mention your basketball career.” his father added.

Alec paused for a moment, and turned to them with his hand still on the door handle, “Right now the only people ruining anything are you two.” and without another word, he left, slamming the door behind him.

**…**

Magnus sat at his desk, staring at his computer screen blankly. He tried to occupy himself and focus on his homework, but to no avail. His mind kept wandering back to Alec. 

A week ago, after their amazing kiss at the game and their moment at the docks, they went for a walk together along the promenade. It had taken Magnus a long moment to grasp everything that had happened in the short span of time, and that it was actually real. 

He was still kind of hurt by the whole bet he had with Lydia, but on the other hand, Alec had literally walked off the court in the middle of a game for him. He kissed him in front of the entire town, including his dad, his reputation be damned. And that right there spoke volumes. It spoke louder than any bet. Because he could feel it in his bones, how genuine Alec was, and how much he was trying to improve and be better for Magnus.

For the past week, Alec hadn’t stopped proving it to him at any chance he got, in many different ways. He hugged him and held his hand at school, he walked with him to classes. He drove him home after school whenever he didn’t have practice. He spent almost any free time he had, when he wasn’t in class or practice, with Magnus.

And for the first time in a very long time, Magnus wanted to be close to another human being. Obviously it would take time, which Alec was clearly giving him plenty of, but it was already a huge improvement. 

And Magnus found that he loved the attention. He loved being the sole focus of Alec’s attention. He kept waiting for Alec to regret his action. To decide that Magnus was not worth it, that he was too much and yet somehow not enough at the same time. He found himself wondering why in the world Alec wasn’t leaving, just like many others before him.

But just as he was starting to believe just a little bit, doubt crept in again when Alec didn’t show up.

It was already late Sunday night, Alec was supposed to come over hours ago. Magnus sent him a text when he was an hour late, but got no response. He wanted to send another, or even call, when more time passed, but he stopped himself. Because he didn’t want to be a burden, or seem too desperate.

So he took it for what it clearly was… rejection.

A soft rasp on his door pulled him out of his deep, self-deprecating thoughts. “Yeah?” he called out at the closed door, which opened soon after to reveal Luke.

“Hey, just wanted to say good night.” Luke said with a soft smile.

Magnus did his best to hide his disappointment, his false hope, “good night.” he responded with a matching smile.

“Make sure not to stay up too late.” Luke warned, eyeing him half teasingly, “it’s a school night after all.”

“Yeah, I was just gonna start getting ready for bed.” Magnus lied.

“Good.” and with another soft smile, Luke backed out of the room and closed the door again.

As soon as Luke was out of the room and out of ear shot, Magnus grunted and leaned his forehead against his desk. 

When another rasp suddenly filled the room, breaking the silence, Magnus jumped and straightened up abruptly. He looked around the room, startled, taking embarrassingly long to realise what was going on.

He looked towards the door with a frown, but when the rasp sounded again from the other side of the room, he jumped again, looking towards the window. Magnus yelped when he realised that there was a silhouette on the other side. He covered his mouth with his hand, then lowered it to lay over his pounding heart when he recognized the shadow as Alec.

It took him another moment to break out of his daze, then finally stepped closer and opened the window. “Alexander!” he tried not to sound too surprised, or shaken, but he was a messy mixture of both, so he doubted he was doing a good job.

“Hey.” Alec whispered back with a smile, then climbed into the room when Magnus stepped back to make space for him. When he landed on his feet, he turned to cup Magnus’ face, catching him off guard. Before he could even react, Alec leaned in and captured his lips with an appreciative hum.

Magnus hated how fast he melted into it, and how just one small kiss could erase all of his brain cells, so much so that he forgot all about Alec standing him up.

“God, I missed you.” Alec murmured against his lips, and Magnus was then truly gone for. “You are exactly what I needed after the argument I just had with my parents.”

Magnus pulled back slightly, frowning up at Alec, “You fought with your parents?” he asked dumbly.

“Yeah, well… I guess it was only a matter of time.” Alec sighed heavily.

“That couldn’t have been anywhere near pleasant.” Magnus stated with a small cringe, he knew Alec had been avoiding them, and for good reason. “From one to ten, how bad was it?”

“Oh, they are so beyond that scale.” Alec snorted, “they caught me just as I was about to leave, and just got me so pissed, I had to go cool off before I came.”

“So that’s why you were late?” Magnus hated how vulnerable and insecure he sounded.

Alec quickly wrapped him up in his arms, “shit, I’m sorry.” he muttered with a groan, “I’m such an idiot. I just got so caught up, I didn’t… shit Magnus, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, you’re here now.” Magnus tried to shrug it off, even though he was still a little hurt.

“No it’s not.” Alec insisted, “I should have called, or texted.”

“I tried, to umm…” Magnus trailed off, feeling stupid.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Alec growled in frustration, “I keep screwing up, and hurting you, I know you must be sick of my apologies, I just -”

“You had to deal with your parents.” Magnus cut him off, trying to be understanding, he could also see how bad Alec already felt, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” Alec asserted again, “but I just… my parents got to me, they… all they care about is their image, and they don’t seem to care about my happiness, at all.”

Magnus had no idea what the right response was, if there even was one. But this was new. Alec being all vulnerable, looking deflated and hurt, it wasn’t something he had ever seen before. He was so used to smug, playful, confident Alec, not this. He would have never guessed that Alec would have this side to him.

The Lightwoods always seemed like such a happy, picture perfect family. Perhaps he should have known that much shit goes on behind closed doors usually. But Magnus was too busy being stuck in his own little resentment bubble, hating that his life was so perfect, having it all.

And now, with Alec suddenly showing this little broken side of him, a nervous, sensitive side of himself, he just found himself wanting to embrace him, protect him. And so that’s what he did. He may not have had the words, but he could show him with his actions that he was there.

Alec clutched onto him, burying his face in Magnus’ neck, inhaling deep, “My whole life, I followed their rules, I did exactly what they asked of me.” Alec went on, his voice suspiciously weak, “I hid who I truly am, all to make them proud, to live up to their expectations... And it wasn’t good enough, I’m not good enough.”

“Hey, no!” Magnus found himself blurting out, a little harsher than he meant. But Alec just smiled fondly at him, and moved the hair that had fallen on Magnus’ forehead. The older boy found himself closing his eyes, and leaning in to the touch.

“I appreciate that, but it’s true.” Alec finally said with a sigh, and Magnus opened his eyes and went to protest again, but Alec beat him to it, “I’ll never be able to maintain their ridiculous standards, not if I want to be true to myself.”

“So what will you do?” Magnus questioned softly.

Alec shrugged, “I don’t know.” he said with another heavy sigh and small shrug, “But I just don’t want to live by their rules anymore, I don’t want to end up like them, and all I know is that I want to be with you, and nothing they say can stop me from that.”

Words continued to fail him, and Magnus had no idea how he was supposed to react, because not many before Alec had ever been willing to fight to be with him. So instead of speaking, he just pulled Alec back in and kissed him, ignoring the small insecure voice in his head, doubting himself.

Alec responded quite quickly and eagerly, accepting Magnus’ lips with much enthusiasm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, you go Alec! so proud of him for standing up to his parents! what do you think?
> 
> please let me know your thoughts, would love to hear them!


	10. we're burning all the bridges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there lovelies!  
> sooooo sorry yet again for yet another delay with the update.... I've been feeling a bit iffy about this story, and just got a little stuck and needed to set it aside for a bit. I'm still not so sure about it, and I'm not feeling like it's coming out too good... which is annoying, but I could drag it on forever if I let that stop me from posting, so... hopefully it doesn't suck too much.
> 
> thanks so so much for all your support! hope you enjoy :)

_ Now we're burning all the bridges now _ _   
_ _ Watching it go up in flames _ _   
_ _ No way to build it up again _ _   
_ _ And we're burning all the bridges now _ _   
_ _ 'Cause it was sink or swim _ _   
_ _ And I went down, down, down _

**January 2013**

The first thing that woke him from his deep, comfortable slumber, were the rays of sunshine stinging him from behind closed lids, the second was the warmth. 

The first thought that crossed his mind, was something about how he forgot to close the curtains on his window, the second, was that he couldn’t remember the last time he felt so snug and content while waking up. 

The first thing he then comprehended, was that he wasn’t alone, the second was that he actually liked it. That he was so very cozy. More than he remembered being in a long time.

Then his eyes snapped open and he stared ahead for a long, shocked moment. Then slowly lowered his head to catch a glimpse of the strong arms wrapped around his waist. When had they fallen asleep together? How had they fallen asleep together?

Alec’s arms tightened around him and pulled him closer, still clearly half asleep as he pushed his hips forward. Something very hard and large rubbed up against Magnus’ ass, and that's when panic struck him.

Magnus yelped and after a moment of struggle against Alec’s arms, he jumped out of the bed staring in horror as Alec slowly started to wake up, watching him with a confused expression. “C’mere.” Alec mumbled in a sleepy voice, reaching his hand across the mattress as if trying to grab him. 

When Magnus whimpered in lieu of an answer, and didn’t comply to his request, Alec looked up at him, a little more alert. Magnus was frozen in shock, staring at him as if he was a giant, scary spider. “Magnus?” he questioned, leaning up on his elbow now, forcing himself to come out of his sleepy haze, “what’s wrong?”

“You… we…” Magnus managed to stammer after another long moment of silence, pointing a shaky finger between them, “what are… did we…?

Alec finally had enough braincells online to actually get up and walk closer to Magnus, who was clearly freaking out. “Hey, nothing happened, we just fell asleep.” Alec tried to step into Magnus’ space, who immediately stepped back and held up a hand.

“You need to go.” Magnus said with a weak voice, “now, before Luke… shit, you have to go before Luke finds you.”

“Magnus, please calm down, let’s talk about this for a moment.” Alec pleaded, clearly aware of his internal struggle.

“Please Alec, just go.” Alec looked deflated at that, but Magnus was too freaked out to really feel bad about it. He just watched, numb and frozen, as Alec sighed and saged in defeat and sat back down on his bed to put his shoes on.

When he stood up again, Alec tried to kiss him ever so slowly and lightly, but Magnus folded his arms and turned his head, so Alec’s kiss landed on his cheek instead.

Magnus had never seen Alec as awkward as he looked as he leaned back, bit his lip and nodded slowly. “Okay then…” he muttered, clearly at a loss, “see you at school I guess.”

“Yeah.” was all Magnus managed. 

Alec sighed again, then with some reluctance, walked over to the window and climbed back down and away. Magnus was itching to reach out and stop him the whole while, but couldn’t quite bring himself to do so.

  
  
  


When he finished getting ready for school, a little slower than usual, due to still being a bit shaky, Magnus walked down to the kitchen to grab some breakfast and his lunch bag. Luke, Jocely and Clary wear already sitting around the small round table, chatting happily.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Jocelyn greeted with a warm smile, which Magnus returned with a simple weak one, which was all he could seem to manage.

As he walked over to grab his own plate, Luke spoke up as well, “Alec didn’t want to stay for breakfast?” Magnus almost dropped the plate at the sound of his words.

He quickly spun around and stared at his adoptive father with wide eyes and his mouth ajar, “wh-what?” he managed to choke out.

Luke chuckled, and the fact that he didn’t look too bothered or upset helped calm Magnus’ already haywire nerves, “I’m a detective.” his father stated with amusement, “you really thought a teenager could sneak into my home in the middle of the night, spend the night with my teenage son, then sneak away in the morning without me noticing?”

Magnus smiled sheepishly at him and shrugged slightly, “I… yes, no… maybe?” he stammered out, causing a round of amused giggles.

“I checked up on you, and saw that you just fell asleep.” Luke told him in a calm voice, in a clear attempt to try and relax him, “but don’t let it happen again.”

Magnus immediately shook his head, “nope.” 

  
  


Unfortunately for him, Clary was picked up by Jace, and so Magnus was left alone in the car with Luke. who clearly wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily. 

“Listen, Magnus, I know that nothing happened last night…” Luke began and Magnus immediately groaned, already dreading where this was headed, “I know, I know, I don’t want to talk about…  _ it _ anymore than you do, but I promised Jocelyn, and it really is important.”

“Luke,  _ please. _ ” Magnus pleaded, but to no avail.

“I just want you to be careful.” Luke insisted in his fatherly tone, glimpsing over at him for a short moment then back at the road. “I can see that Alec cares about you, but I do know that he’s more…  _ experienced,  _ and I want you to be careful.”

“I am.” Magnus gritted out, his cheeks flushed as he sank into himself as much as he could.

“I know, I trust you.” Luke sighed and looked over at him again, “I just want to make sure that you take care of yourself, and don’t let him pressure you into anything.”

“He’s not pressuring me.” Magnus napped a little harsher than he intended to, “sorry, I just… we haven’t…”

“Good, just make sure to be safe.” Luke went on, and Magnus was thankful that they were already almost at school.

  
  


When he arrived at his locker, he wasn’t too surprised to find Alec already there, waiting for him. Magnus slowed his pace as he approached and smiled shyly, “hey.” he murmured under his breath when he was standing right beside him.

“Hey you.” Alec whispered back, staring at him in such a way that had Magnus squirming and melting at the same time. No one had ever had that enamoured look while looking at him before. And Magnus hadn’t a clue how to process it.

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, the air between them heavy with all kinds of tensions. Magnus shifted his weight from one foot to the other, digging his hands deep in the pockets of his jacket, while Alec’s hands lay at his sides, visibly twitching and itching to reach out for him.

“I’m sorry about -” Alec finally tried, as one hand scratched his nape.

But Magnus quickly shook his head and cut him off before he could complete his apology, “no, I’m sorry I freaked out on you.” he told him in a soft voice, managing to keep eye contact, “I just… I never… It’s all so…” he tried to find the words, but they all failed him.

Alec smiled and nodded softly, “I know.” he said, thankfully understanding alone.

Magnus shuffled closer slowly and a little less than elegant, wondering how to take what he wanted, luckily for him, Alec seemed to catch on and gave him all the time and space he needed. He was also glad that he didn’t initiate it himself, somehow knowing that Magnus needed to do it himself.

Ever so carefully and slowly, Magnus snaked his arms around Alec’s waist and leaned his head against his chest, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as a scary realization dawned on him, while Alec wrapped his own arms around him and cautiously pressed him even closer to his chest

He felt...  _ safe _ .

Alec kissed the top of his head, lingering there for a long moment and inhaling in his scent. “I’m still sorry if I pushed you into something you weren’t ready for.” Alec murmured into his hair, as they both just stood there comfortably in each other's arms. “I should have never allowed myself to fall asleep.”

Magnus humed pensively, “We both should have been more careful.” he said, pulling back slightly to look up at Alec. “But you didn’t do anything wrong, I just… got over freaked.”

“I also want you to know that I would never hurt you.” Alec promised, cupping his face and staring at him with a deep gaze, “or pressure you into something you’re not ready for.”

“I know.”

  
  


Later that day during lunch, Alec took Magnus to the park across from the school grounds, and they found a secluded spot to eat their lunch. Magnus was completely baffled by Alec’s insistence to find such a quiet place, but thankfully went along without too much argument.

Alec had been thinking about it ever since it happened, and he couldn’t get it out of his head. He hadn’t brought it up or asked about it thus far, because he didn’t want to wake any bad feelings and memories. He also didn’t want to harm the progress they made.

But he knew they couldn’t avoid it forever, and it was something that was important for him to clear the air from.

“Hey, Magnus… I umm, I need to ask you something.” Alec finally braved, breaking the comfortable silence. 

Magnus gazed up at him with a soft smile, “what is it?” he questioned, and Alec hated the small traces of hesitation that were evident in his voice, probably due to how serious Alec probably sounded.

“I know this may be a… sore spot, but I just, I need to know who gave you the ummm…” Alec groaned, fighting against himself because he just didn’t want to say the words. They felt too disgusting to even utter. “Who told you about the bet…?”

Magnus, bless him, stayed patient and silent during Alec's little ramble. Luckily, he also seemed to be quite understanding, and didn’t seem angry nor did he pull away and withdraw into himself. He just continued to smile softly, and when Alec was done, he reached out a hand and lay it on Alec’s fidgeting one.

“Does it matter anymore?” he questioned quietly, his head tilting slightly.

“Of course it matters.” Alec told him, gripping his hand harder, “I cannot blame anyone but myself. But this was clearly a ploy to hurt us both, one which nearly cost us… this, us.”

Magnus bit at his bottom lip and averted his eyes, “I just don’t want anymore drama.” he whispered, in a voice far too jaded for a boy his age.

Alec cupped his face, and slowly and gently tilted his head to look up at him again, “I promise you, I will do anything I can to make this better.” he swore, sliding even closer, “I want to make this right.”

For another short moment, Magnus looks him deep in the eyes, then finally sighs.

  
  
  


That afternoon, as the locker room was emptying out after practice, Alec approached Raj, who was standing in front of his locker, with his back to Alec. 

Alec definitely felt some satisfaction from the way Raj jumped and yelped, when he reached over his shoulder and slammed the locker door shut, in a loud bang. Raj spun around to find Alec towering over him with the scariest glare he could muster.

“It wasn’t me, I swear!” Raj was very quick to break, which wasn’t too surprising.

“I assumed as much.” Alec snorted and stepped even closer, causing the other boy to gulp in fear and take a step back, his back hitting the door of his now closed locker. “And if you know what is good for you, tell me who made you do it.”

Raj shook his head, his mouth opening and closing like a dumb goldfish.

“I can make your life a living hell.” Alec promised him, “and if you want to keep what little time you get on court, you better start talking.”

When Raj stayed silent and just continued to squirm, Alec slammed his hand into the locker next to Raj’s head, “now!” he yelled, causing Raj to jump again.

  
  
  


Alec is sitting on the stairs leading up to the Branwell household, when Lydia comes walking up the driveway. “Alec?” she asked in surprise, then folded her arms and looked at him as if she had a right to be mad, “what are you doing here?” 

“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” Alec’s elbows are leaning on his knees, and he remained completely still as he looked up at her with loaded eyes.

“What are you talking about?” she had the audacity to feign innocence.

Alec doesn’t take his eyes off her as he slowly stands and steps closer to her, “oh, I think we both know exactly what I’m talking about.” he said, refusing to take any of her bulshit.

He tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, he trusted her when she swore it wasn’t her, that she probably lost the contract or someone stole it. Which is why he went to Raj first, and didn’t blame her right away. But he had to admit that even without his ambition, he just  _ knew  _ it was her.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” he hissed at her, “I mean, with all due respect to Raj… this has you written all over it. Not to mention, that he’s too dumb to actually think of this alone.

Lydia had the nerve to hold up her act, and even play victim, “seriously, Alec?” she snapped, “after all these years you’re going to destroy us all for some -”

“Don’t even dare.” Alec shouted, cutting her off as he pointed a threatening finger, “don’t you dare utter another word about him. You are the one who destroyed all of these years of friendship.”

“Oh, for crying out loud, Alec.” Lydia threw her hands in the air, “I did it for you, don’t you get it?” she finally admitted.

Alec snorted again and folded his arms, “for me?”

“Yes, because that pathetic orphan boy will drag you down and -” Lydia’s words cut off abruptly with a sharp gasp, when he steps into her space, a loud growl escaping from deep in his gut.

He would never lay a hand on her, but her words pissed him off. Alec refused to let anyone else harm or hurt Magnus, nor will he let them say anything bad about him, whether it be directly to his face or behind his back.

“Shut up!” he yelled, towering over her as much as he could, “you and me, whatever is left of us, it’s over.”

“You’re seriously throwing it all away, for  _ him _ ?” she spat, trying and failing to look unfazed by his threats.

Alec stepped back with a slight shrug, “not much left here to throw away, is there?” he questioned in a low voice. They glared at each other for another short moment, then Alec turned and walked away.


	11. An echo on the water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my Lovelies...
> 
> this chapter has been... quite the struggle. and ride. you actually might want to get you seatbelts buckled...
> 
> I don't know why, but I've been struggling with this fic lately, and I feel so... Bleh about it... But I didn't want to leave you dry, so hopefully you all enjoy this...
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: please note the tag updates... this chapter gets a bit rough...  
> it's nothing graphic or harsh, but the next couple of chapters will be quite dark... but I promise all will be good in the end!
> 
> hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts!

_ Stop the world from spinning around _

_ Feels like the sky is falling down _

_ Can't breathe in, I can't breathe out _

_ I'm afraid that I might drown _

_ Can't stay afloat I'm just _

_ A skipping stone _

_ An echo on the water _

_ I'm letting go _

_ Surrender to the bottom _

_ Another rising tide _

_ Another storm to fight _

_ Come and take me _

_ I'm just a skipping stone _

**  
** **February 2013**

For the following few weeks, things have been relatively and blissfully quiet. Perhaps maybe too quiet, but for the first time in years, Magnus had enough of a distraction to not think about it too much. A gorgeous distraction in the form of Alexander Lightwood, who was making it harder and harder for him to hang on to his resolve.

But he was also happier than he had been in years. 

It all came to a crashing halt one late afternoon, Magnus was rushing home after a satisfying dance practice with Dot. Alec was supposed to come over for a “tutoring” session, so Magnus wanted to get home quickly so he could get ready before Alec arrived. 

Clary and Simon were sent to walk him home, which wasn’t foreign. Actually, Magnus had gotten quite used to having someone with him almost at all times - as instructed and directed by Luke. but something felt… different.

Magnus couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but as soon as he saw the duo show up at the dance studio, he just knew that something was up, despite their attempts to deny it.

Clearly they had been instructed to say nothing, until they got home.

When they finally arrived home, all Magnus wanted to do was shower and get ready for Alec, but he was stopped in his tracks by the sight waiting for him in their living room.

He froze for a moment, at a complete loss for words.

“Catharina?” he finally managed to choke out, as the women in question slowly stood up from the couch. Luke and Joclyn remained seated on the opposite couch, allowing the two a moment.

Cat smiled at him warmly, but he could see right away that it wasn’t reaching her eyes, “Hello, Magnus.” she greeted him with much fondness in her tone, despite the clear grave atmosphere, “It’s been a long time.”

Magnus covered his mouth just as a soft sob escaped, then he launched himself forward and wrapped his arms around her desperately, ignoring the fact that he could already tell that her presence probably came with bad news.

He couldn’t bring himself to care yet, he needed another moment in oblivion to just enjoy her presence. 

Once he had calmed down enough to let her go he sat down besides her on the couch, trying to brace himself for what came next, “is everything okay?” he questioned, his voice shaking, “what are you doing here?”

Cat lay a gentle hand on his cheek and he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and praying that his instincts were wrong, “It’s Ragnor, he’s…” at the sound of his name, Magnus’ eyes snapped open. The way her voice quivered and broke ever so slightly, was clue enough to her next words, “he was killed.”

“No…” Magnus choked out, shaking his head. “No, that can’t be,”

“I’m so sorry, Magnus.” Cat said weakly.

“Magnus…” Luke finally spoke up, trying to catch his attention, “your father, he tracked them down in search of you.” Magnus knew Luke was trying to be as gentle as he could, as to not hurt him. But the words stabbed him deep anyway.

This was all his fault. Ragnor was dead because of him. Cat was hurting because of Magnus.

The realization had him jumping back and away from her, and scrambling to his feet, “Magnus?” she startled, but when he didn’t respond, just stepped back even further, she went on, “I came here to tell you so you would be careful, to warn you that he’s coming for you.”

Even if he knew what to say, even if he wanted to, Magnus couldn’t utter a word. His breath caught in his throat as he just chipped at his nailpilish. He didn’t even dare look up at any of the adults in the room.

When he heard shuffling and someone walking towards him, Magnus jumped back again. “Listen Magnus, we’re all here for you.” Luke promised him, “I’ll have you guarded 24/7, he won’t be able to get to you.”

Magnus’ head was bowed, and he was pretty sure that Luke was still speaking, but it all sounded so far away suddenly, and Magnus couldn’t comprehend any of it.

As he spun on his heels and started to walk away, he heard a chorus of calling his name, but he continued to walk blindly towards the front door. As soon as he passed the threshold, he took off running.

**...**

By the time Alec arrived at the Garroway household, there were two police cars parked outside on the curb, and quite a few more patrolling the streets of the small town. Alec parked the car haphazardly, his pounding heart and dread bubbling in the pit of his stomach, preventing him from sparing even a single thought to how crooked he parked.

Alec quickly jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut, rushing past the police officers, without even a glance. They tried to stop him, but Alec just ignored them and b-lined towards the house, consequences be damned.

The front door was wide open and Alec finally came to a halt, watching in shock at the makeshift operations room the lounge turned into. A few police officers were roaming around, some on the phone, some speaking amongst themselves. Jocelyn was sitting on one of the couches comforting a middle-aged woman he didn’t recognise. 

Clary was sitting on the opposite couch, crying hysterically in Simon’s arm, “what’s going on?” he questioned, but doubted anyone would hear him in all the chaos. His head continued to scan the room frantically, hoping to catch a glimpse of Magnus. But in vain.

“Alec!” a desperate voice called to him, but he was so busy searching, that by the time he turned towards the source, he was being toppled by a tiny figure and a blast of ginger hair.

After a small stumble back, Alec managed to catch both himself and Clary, slowly wrapping his arms around her, once he regained a bit of composure. “Where’s Magnus?” he questioned, already dreading the answer.

Clary looked up at him with tear filled eyes, and he just knew that something was very wrong. “He ran away.” she confirmed his suspicions, “he got some really bad news that upset him, and now he’s gone.”

“What?” Alec choked out, trying to get out of her grasp so he could go searching for him, uncaring of anything else. “I need to find him!”

“Luke and the police are out looking for him.” Jocelyn spoke up, still hugging the other woman, “they will find him.”

“I can’t just sit around while he’s out there, he could be hurt!” Alec insisted.

“Look, Alec, I can’t tell you much, but Magnus’ father is after him.” she explained slowly, “he’s a dangerous man, and you need to leave it to the police to take care of this.”

“So his psycho father is after him, and I’m just supposed to sit back?” Alec snapped, uncaring of how rude he was being at the moment.

“I know how hard it is to just wait around.” Jocelyn spoke sympathetically, “but right now there’s not much you can do.”

“I can at least try.” Alec pushed Clary away as gently as he could, then started stomping back out of the house. By then it was already pouring rain, which only strengthened Alec’s panic and need to find Magnus.

“Alec!” Jocelyn tried to call after him, but he was already out the door. He could hear her calling again, as steps came rushing after him, “Clary, get back here right now!” which was his only warning before Clary was on him again.

“I’m coming with you.” she insisted, and Alec didn’t have time to argue with her, or Simon who came jumping into his car after her.

**...**

When Magnus was 7 years old, he was living with his biological father, who had taken him away from his abusive step-father and brought him to America. Magnus may have been very young at the time, but he could still vaguely remember how scary and terrible his father was. 

Neglected and forced to roam the streets for the better part of the day, Magnus’ father made him steal wallets, phones, watches and jewelry. If he was lucky, he would get the man's leftovers to eat. 

Until one day, a social worker came to take him away.

Apparently the police had been after him for years, and when Ragnor Fell came to take Magnus away from him, he called the police who locked him up for good.

But now his father was out again, and he killed Ragnor out of revenge, and Catharina was all alone and hurting.

His mother killed herself when he was only four, because of all the pain his existence caused her.

Raphael was killed protecting Magnus.

And now Ragnor was killed because of him too.

Magnus stood at the edge of the lake, soaking wet from the rain and shivering from the bone chilling cold. He stared out at the strong rain hitting the surface of the lake, creating white clouds of water droplets. It was beautiful, yet so devastating at the same time.

Magnus took a few steps back, his eyes still transfixed on the water. He could feel every stitch of heavy fabric sticking to his skin, burning cold against every inch of his body. Magnus’ hair was sticking to his forehead, poking at the edges of his eyes, but he didn’t even bother moving them out of the way.

Somewhere far away in the background, he could see a flash of lightning illuminating the dark for a short moment, before it was gone, replaced a few seconds later by a loud thunder, echoing all around and deep inside him.

Then, before he could stop himself, he was running.

As he jumped into the deep water, he could feel the phantom touch of large, rough hands, pushing him in, then shoving his head down, preventing him from coming back up.

Maybe this time, his step-father would get his way.

Hopefully this time, there won’t be anyone to save him, only for him to cause even more pain and destruction.

**...**

There was a sick feeling growing in the pit of Alec’s stomach, slowly spreading all over, steering him on his search towards the last place he would have expected to find Magnus. 

As he drove, the three of them were keeping their eyes peeled, just in case, but something inside Alec told him that they wouldn’t find him just roaming the streets. There was an unexplainable pull within him, which had him blindly driving towards the lake.

The closer the got, the harder the rain fell, the deeper and stronger his fear grew.

The moment they reached the end of the dirt road, the whole car jerked from the force of the hand breaks when Alec pulled it up and jerked the door open, this time leaving it wide open as he sprinted towards the lake shore.

Clary and Simon quickly came running up beside him, as they all came to a screeching halt. But Alec didn’t hesitate more than a split second before he was diving head first into the water, and towards Magnus’ body floating in the water.

Alec pulled him into his arms, and swam as hard and as fast as he could, back to Simon and Clary waiting at the shore. Magnus was heavy, and clearly unconscious, and the longer it took to get him out, the more Alec’s panic grew. It felt like it was taking forever, that they weren’t even getting any closer. 

Through the heavy rain he could barely make out the two figures standing at the edge of the lake, calling out to him. His lungs were burning and his muscles ached as he desperately tried to make his way to them.

When he finally reached them, Simon helped him drag Magnus out of the water, “Clary, call 911!” Alec yelled frantically, as he lay Magnus on his back and pushed the hair out of his face, then cupped it. “Magnus, baby, please, I’m here.” 

But Magnus wasn’t responding, and nothing he did seemed to help, not even all the pleading in the world.

The knot in his stomach only loosened a tiny fraction when he finally heard the ambulance sirens in the distance, growing closer way too slowly for his liking.

**...**

Luke and Jocelyn were out in the hall talking to the doctor, because Alec and Clary refused to leave Magnus’ side, and the adults refused to speak about Magnus’ condition in the teens presence. If Alec wasn’t too worried for his boyfriends life, perhaps he would have cared more that they wouldn’t let him in on his condition.

They each sat on a chair on either side of Magnus, who lay in the bed and looked way too small surrounded by pillows and wrapped up in blankets. Neither had said a word since they left the lake, and they just sat there in silence, the monitor beeping was the only sound to break it.

Outside, the early morning sun already shone too bright in the sky, no evidence of the storm that was blazing just a few hours prior. Alec had no idea how long it had been, and what the time was exactly, but he also couldn’t bring himself to look away from Magnus long enough to check the clock.

The following hours also passed in a haze, as nurses came in and out, hushed voices filling the space every so often, and Jocelyn and Luke basically force feeding him. They stopped trying to get him to go home and rest a while back.

Even his mother showing up, couldn’t rip him away from Magnus. Luckily, Maryse was too conscious of the eyes watching her, to make a scene and force her son away from his boyfriend.

  
  


It was dark outside yet again when Magnus finally woke up again. Lucky and Jocelyn were off to get them food, and Clary had finally agreed to go home for a bit to sleep. Alec gently reached over with his hand and caressed the boys pale cheek, “hey, there you are.” he said softly, finally feeling a fraction of relief.

Magnus just frowned at him, then groaned in discomfort. Alec quickly called a nurse to come check on him. Once she was done checking on him and helping him drink some water, she made her way back out of the room.

“You had me so worried.” Alec told him, his voice cracking ever so slightly, as he continued to cup Magnus’ cheek.

But Magnus just continued to frown at him, and his weak hand lifted off of the bed and landed on Alec’s hand. Then he pulled it away from him as best he could, and pushed it away, “you need to go.” Magnus said in a weak voice, turning his head to look away from Alec.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Alec insisted stubbornly, “I want to stay here with you.”

“I don’t want you here.” Magnus snapped, still not looking at him.

For a short moment, Alec was at lost for words, his mouth agape as he tried to comprehend what was happening, “no, Magnus, you don’t mean that.” he finally managed, trying to turn Magnus back to him as gently as he could, but his boyfriend fought him with the little strength he had.

“Yes I do!” he yelled in a hoarse voice, refusing to meet Alec’s eyes, “go away.”

“You can’t push me away.” Alec told him in a stern voice, refusing to comply, “I won’t let you.”

“I don’t want you here, so just go.” Magnus insisted, turning on his side as best he could, his back to Alec.

“Magnus -” Alec tried again, his voice a little softer and a bit desperate.

“I said go away!” Magnus all but yelled, just as Jocelyn and Luke walked back into the room. Jocelyn rushed to her son's side as Luke lay a hand on Alec’s shoulder, giving it a small pat and a squeeze.

“I think it’s time you go home.” he told Alec in a fatherly tone, “I think he needs some time to rest.”

It felt all kinds of wrong as he stood up from his chair and was escorted away from Magnus.


	12. I Will Carry You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there my lovelies!
> 
> so sorry again for the late update... I have been traveling a bit for work, and it was a bit of a struggle. but fear not, no story of mine will be abandoned!
> 
> I also have sooo many story ideas and they just keep piling up! and I can't wait to get them out and share them with you!  
> (wish I could just copy them from my brain and paste them on a page)
> 
> Also, I would love to thank you for all your love and wonderful comments on my new one shot story - "Return to Sender". you guys are great and it truly warms my heart.
> 
> before we begin this chapter... HUGE TRIGGER WARNING! - please check the updated tags!!  
> this chapter gets really dark, and is probably as dark as this story will get. 
> 
> so sorry for all the angst, and I hope you survive this chapter... but I promise you that it will get better from here!
> 
> anyway, without further ado... here is chapter 12!

_ I know it hurts _

_ It's hard to breathe sometimes _

_ These nights are long _

_ You've lost the will to fight _

_ Is anybody out there? _

_ Can you lead me to the light? _

_ Is anybody out there? _

_ Tell me it'll all be alright _

**  
** **February 2013**

Magnus turned his back to the door, made sure that he couldn’t see what look Alec had in his eyes. So he couldn’t see his body language. He turned his back so he wouldn’t see Alec leaving. But also so he would actually leave, because if he didn’t turn his back, if he faced him… he wouldn’t be able to keep this invisible wall between them.

When Alec finally closed the door behind him, Magnus could almost feel the distance between them growing painfully large. The gap that opened up and threatened to swallow him whole.

There was a sharp pain coursing through his veins, making it near impossible to stay put. But he clutched onto the blanket for dear life, and sank his teeth into the flat pillow.

Distant sounds of movements reminded him that Luke and Jocelyn were still in his room. They were saying words his brain refused to comprehend, nor was he remotely interested in hearing. 

Then there were gentle, soft hands on his arm, and he immediately flinched away, as much as the tiny hospital bed allowed him. “Magnus, I’m sorry.” he finally managed to discern Jocelyn's words, and he hated himself for putting that guilt and pain in her voice, “but you need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” he said in a weak, but stubborn tone.

Unfortunately for him, Jocelyn could be just as stubborn if not more, and he couldn’t exactly break up with his adoptive parents, like he could with Alec. so eventually he forced himself to eat some of the food they brought, and thankfully she didn’t fuss much after that.

The next couple of days passed in a blur, and Magnus was glad they did, because at least that way, he couldn’t completely feel the constant burning that would otherwise consume him. 

Luckily, Jocelyn and Luke didn’t spend the whole time at the hospital with him, but Luke did make sure that the nurses came to check on him as often as possible. He also had police guarding his door 24/7, which Magnus tried to argue against, but to no avail.

On his third and last day, Magnus woke up at four am, and quickly shut off the alarm on his phone. He lay frozen in his bed for a moment longer, listening for any suspicious sounds or movements outside his door, just in case the police officer on duty heard something and decided to come check on him.

Magnus had noticed that they would do random check ins when Luke and Jocelyn weren’t there, or during the longer breaks between one nurse visit, to another, as instructed by Luke, so he wouldn’t go too long without eyes on him.

When there were no signs from the police, Magnus quickly shoved the blanket aside and threw his legs over the side of the bed. Luckily, they had removed all needles from his veins the day before, because he no longer needed so much pain killers or water infusions. 

He paused for a short moment as he stood on shaky feet, trying to stable himself as best as he could. Once he was as balanced as he was going to get, he stepped over to the window and tried to open it. But it wouldn’t budge. Magnus grunted in frustration, as he tried to open it from every which way.

Magnus continued to try, even though it was clear that it wasn’t going to open. “Shit.” he muttered, finally giving up and stepping back. There had to be a way out, he just had to figure it out. He looked over at the door and took a deep breath, perhaps he could get past the police officer. 

All he knew was that he had to get away, because he would be damned if he allowed anyone else to get hurt or worse, all because of him. He wasn’t worth all the stress and pain he was inflicting in all these good people’s lives. 

Unfortunately though, the police officer was actually doing his job, and Magnus had to find some random excuse to why he was awake and out of bed in the middle of the night.

Perhaps it would be easier once he was released from the hospital.

**...**

It was not easier once he was out of the hospital.

Luke made sure to always have eyes on him, every place he went - every single day all day long. 

At first, Magnus tried to lash out. He would scream and shout, try to run away at any opportunity, he tried to spend as much time as he could away from the house - but Luke just kept it up. Refusing to give in to Magnus’ tantrums. 

Then, he just locked himself up and refused to talk or see anyone, no matter how much they tried. If they weren’t going to let him go, then he would at least stay as far away as he could. Eventually they would just leave him alone.

Alec tried to call and text every single day for the past week, ever since he was released from the hospital. Magnus refused to respond, and when Alec kept insisting anyway, he just shut off his phone. 

Shutting off his phone didn’t work however, because then Alec just tried to come over. But Magnus could be more stubborn, so he just blasted music in his room and locked his door. 

When they were at school, Magnus avoided him at all cost, and when he couldn’t, he just ignored him as best he could. He would have his headphones on any time they weren’t in class, and would just hide away in places he knew no one would find him.

**…**

It had been a whole week since that day at the hospital, when Magnus broke up with him. The last thing Alec wanted was to be away from Magnus, especially now, but the boy was just pushing him away and gave him no choice or way in.

So Alec tried to give him a bit of space for the first day or two, thinking that he just needed a few moments to himself to digest it all. Perhaps he just needed time.

It was excruciating and difficult, and Alec had to fight with all his might against his will and need to be close to Magnus. Who just kept pushing him away, even after Alec gave him space. 

Then Alec tried to call and text, he tried to show Magnus that he wasn’t giving up on him so easily, that he couldn’t just push him away - but Magnus was making it so hard. There was no getting close enough to even get one word in.

Alec tried to speak to Clary, but even she couldn’t help, because Magnus refused to talk to her too. Apparently he had been locking himself up in his room and refusing to talk to anyone. She even told him that Magnus tried to run away in the middle of the night the first couple of nights, but Luke had managed to catch him.

It was all beyond frustrating, and Alec had no idea what to do and how to get through to Magnus. How was he supposed to help a boy who was refusing to let anyone close, let alone in. 

For such a small school, Magnus had become a pro at avoiding him and hiding away.

He was standing outside the school, checking his watch as it ticked, nearing the time when the bell will ring, indicating the end of their lunch break and the beginning of the next class. 

The bell was only a couple of minutes away from ringing, as Alec’s eyes kept jumping between his watch and the school grounds, scanning it for any signs of Magnus. He was cutting it close… there was no way he could have missed him, right?

Most of the students that were outside for their break, had already headed back inside, leaving the front lawn mostly deserted. Looking over his shoulder, through the front doors, Alec could see the sea of students swarming the halls, on their way to their respective classes.

It was a couple seconds to the bell, as Alec sighed in frustration, reluctantly admitting to himself defeat. As the first notes of the bell rang through the air, masking over the sounds of students rushing to class, Alec threw his hands up and let them land with a thud at his sides, as he turned towards the doors.

Many of the students have yet to reach their classrooms, and the bell is still ringing as an unmistakable deafening bang echoes loudly through the school. It is slightly muffled from where Alec is still standing just outside, but he recognised it for what it is almost instantly, filling his whole being with dread.

A  _ gunshot _ .

Just like in all those action movies he enjoys, time stands still for a split second, or maybe even an hour, it's really difficult to tell. Everything freezes, as every single person around him seems to be trying to comprehend what is going on.

Then all hell breaks loose.

Just like that, time speeds back up, tenfolds, as panic stricken screams fill the air as a horde of students rush out the front door in a frenzy, almost knocking Alec over and stomping over him. Alec does stumble back with the crowd, as more and more students come racing out of the school.

Alec tries to scan them all in a fury, as a turmoil bubbles inside of him, more and more, the longer he can’t see Magnus amongst the students. “Magnus!” he tries to call out, but his shouts die out within the histeria, as somewhere in the distance police sirens join the noise.

Clary’s ginger hair sticks out almost as soon as she comes running out of the school and into the large group of students that has gathered in the front lawn. Alec b-lines to her almost instantly, and grabs her shoulders as soon as he reaches her and Simon who is trying to calm her down.

There are tears in her eyes when she looks up at Alec, “Magnus!” he all but yells at her, “where’s Magnus?”

Clary shakes her head and almost chokes on a sob, “I don’t know, we were walking together, but…” Clary shakes her head as she sobs again, “we got separated when everyone started to freak out.”

“Shit.” Alec curses loudly, “where were you when you separated?”

“We were by the library.” Simon supplies when Clary was already too hysterical to respond. Alec spins on his heels, ignoring the two calling out to him, and speeds past the crowd to get to the school. He sneaks past the teachers trying to calm the students and create some sort of order in all the madness.

When he walks into the main hall, the school already seems to be deserted and dead silent. His heart is beating in his ears as he cautiously, and as quietly as possible, makes his way towards the library.

The path there was thankfully pretty clear, and Alec took his time to open the door as silently as possible, because it had a tendency to creek loudly. He only breathes in relief when the door is closed again behind him without creaking.

The relief is short lasting as his eyes roam the large room with rows or bookcases and tables, then land on a dark crimson, wet stain shining bright on the light blue carpet. He follows the trail of blood droplets all the way to the back of the room, his whole being buzzing in fear for what he will find.

As he turned the corner of the back bookcase, a terrified yelp reached his ears, as his eyes immediately spotted the boy curled up under one of the tables. Magnus visibly jolted in fright as it took him a moment to recognise Alec.

“It’s me, baby, it’s only me.” Alec was quick to assure him, hurrying over to him and falling to his knees in front of the other boy, who looked so small in his position. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” 

Magnus calmed a fraction as Alec pulled him into his arms, whispering comforting words into his ear. Alec wrapped his strong arms even tighter around Magnus who was shaking uncontrollably against his chest, while soft whimpers escaped his lips.

It takes another long moment for Magnus to calm down enough, but the boy struggles against himself to look up at Alec who cups his face immediately. “It’s my father.” Magnus choked out in a broken voice which broke Alec’s heart to pieces, “Alec, it’s my father, he’s…” his voice cut off on a soft sob, as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Hey, hey… it’s okay…” Alec quickly tried to comfort him, wiping the tears with his thumbs, “what do you mean?”

“The shooter, he’s my father.” Magnus managed more calmly, and a shiver immediately ran cold through Alec’s whole body, seeping deep into his bones as he remembered the night Magnus ran away, “he found me.” 

Alec’s mouth is dry, but he forced himself to hold it together, “it’s okay, the police will be here soon.” he managed, thankfully in a stable and firm voice, “they will catch him.”

“I froze…” Magnus went on in a small voice, “I saw him and just froze, and he… he shot at me.”

“What?” Alec almost yells, as his eyes quickly started scanning Magnus, remembering the blood stain in a sudden alarm. “Did he -?” his voice died as his eyes landed on the gunshot wound on Magnus’ leg.

“I’m so sorry Alec.” Magnus whispered as he lowered his face, but Alec shook his head and quickly pulled him on for another tight embrace.

“Don’t, don’t apologise, it’s not your fault.” Alec tried to calm him, then pulled back so he could take off his jacket, then wrap it around Magnus’ leg to stop the bleeding. “I will get you out of here, we’ll be okay.”

But Magnus just shook his head, “this is all my fault.” 

“No, this is not on you.” Alec asserted, cupping his face again and meeting his eyes with a fierce gaze, “this is all on him.”

“It hurts…” Magnus then whined and collapsed against Alec’s chest.

“I know, baby, I’ll get you out of here.” Alec promised, then slowly and carefully stood and hoisted Magnus into his arms, bridal style.

This time, on their way out, the library door creaks loudly and echoes through the empty halls, filling Alec with dread as soon as it did. He tried to keep quiet, but it was so much harder while carrying Magnus in his arms.

He froze for a moment as Magnus leaned heavily on him, clearly struggling to keep his eyes open, more and more as the time passed. When no sign of danger appeared, Alec began their journey back to the front entrance.

As he was about to round the corner, a bone chilling low voice filled his ears from behind him, halting him in his spot, “stop right there young man.” the voice tells him, almost too casually, “I think you have something that belongs to me.”

When Alec didn’t budge another loud bang filled the air, and Magnus immediately clutched harder onto him in his hazey state, as Alec tried his best to not drop him as he jolted, “turn around boy!” the man yelled, leaving Alec no other option but to comply.

The man standing at the other end of the hall, with a creepy, pleased grin on his face, looked alarmingly like an older version of the beautiful boy in his arms. “Please, he needs medical attention.” Alec tried bravely, but in vain.

A soft amused chuckle escaped the man, as he slowly started to step closer, and Alec took an instinctive step back, “I will give him all the attention he needs.” the man promised, but Alec was not at all convinced, “now hand him over, boy.”

Alec refused to break under the demand and threat, he stood tall and shook his head, “no.” he asserted firmly.

The man rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation, “you’re wasting my time.” he then lifted the gun in his hand, pointing it at Alec, “is he really worth dying for?”

“You sick bastard.” Alec muttered before he could stop himself, “I won’t let you hurt him anymore.”

Another amused laugh escaped the man's lips as he watched Alec, now just a couple of feet away. “You stubborn, brat.” he shook his head, then gestured with the gun pointedly at his direction, “this is your last warning.”

Alec had no idea what to do, he could barely think clearly anymore. The only thing he knew was that there was no way in hell he was handing Magnus over to that psychopath.

With a casual, uncaring shrug Asmodeus went on after a long moment of silence, “fine, suit yourself.”

Then a third gunshot went off.

Alec was glad that he at least had enough presence of mind to spin around, turning his back to Asmodeus, wrapping his body even more protectively around Magnus, to make sure there was no way the bullet would hit him.

Waiting for the blow, was torturously slow. Alec braced himself as much as he could, however, the blow never came. When another, quieter thud sounded from behind him, Alec quickly spun around to find that Asmodeus’ gun had fallen to the ground, just as the man was falling to his knees.

Just a few steps away, Luke stood with his gun still pointing straight ahead at Asmodeus, only lowering it once the man fell backwards, landing on his back with another thud.

Only then did Alec finally allow the relief to wash over himself.


	13. I won’t Give Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there my lovelies!
> 
> so sorry for being MIA for a while... I know I left you in suspense, but I've been struggling with this story for a while now, and I'm torn between just posting what I have and wanting to give you the best written stories... but alas, I'll never be 100% satisfied, and I've already come to terms that this story is not one of my best... so hopefully you still like it.
> 
> anyway, there are only a few more chapters left and I really hope to get them out on time... I also have quite a few other stories in the works (I'm telling you, it's an addiction... I basically get a new Malec fic idea every single day, then struggle to decide what to start with) and I really can't wait to start sharing them, so I might just start posting another story before I finish this one... but either way, I promise that I will not abandon any story!
> 
> soooo after that little rant, I won't hold you up any further... hope you enjoy this one... please let me know!
> 
> and of course, again, HUGE THANK YOU for all the love and support, it is much appreciated!

_I will be by your side_ _  
_ _If ever you fall deep in the dead of the night_ _  
_ _Whenever you call_ _  
_ _And I won't change my mind_ _  
_ _No, I'll see you through_ _  
_ _And I won't give up_ _  
_ _No, I won't give up_   
I won't give up on you

**March 2013**

“Damn it!” 

Magnus’ books fell out of his locker, hitting the floor by his feet with a loud thud. He groaned loudly in frustration, which only intensified when he tried to balance himself on one leg and bend over to pick up the books. When he wasn’t even close, he tried to re-adjust his angle, but that only caused one of his crutches to topple over with a bang. “Shit.” he cursed again.

When he hopped on one foot, and tried to turn towards the crutch, the other one dropped as well, almost causing him to tumble over with it. Luckily though, strong arms managed to wrap around him and catch him just in time. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Alec told him in a soft voice, as he helped him balance on one foot, then picked up his crutches and handed them to him.

“Thank you.” Magnus murmured, bowing his head and doing everything he could to avoid his gaze. Once he was stable on the crutches, Alec bended over again and picked up the books he dropped.

For a short moment, they just stood there awkwardly, neither knowing what to say or do. Magnus was still keeping his gaze on his feet, but he could see from the corner of his eyes how Alec was shifting on his feet and fumbling with Magnus’ books still in his hands.

“Can I walk you to class?” Alec finally broke the silence, his voice uncharacteristically nervous and timid. 

Magnus adjusted himself on his crutches, trying to come up with a good excuse, but really, he knew that anything he said would sound like a lame attempt to push Alec away. They were headed to the same class after all. “You don’t…” Magnus finally looked up at the other boy, who was watching him intently with hopeful eyes, now clutching the books close to his chest, “I can manage alone.” he manages lamely, even though it’s the last thing he wanted. 

“I know you can.” Alec said with a soft smile, “but I really want to.”

“Okay.” Magnus conceded in a soft whisper.

For the past week since he was released from the hospital, yet again, Alec tried to keep a close eye on him, helping him whenever he could, despite Magnus’ insistence that he can do it all by himself. 

Alec didn’t push or force himself on Magnus in any way. He kept his distance as much as he could, giving Magnus the space he needed to make sense of it all and figure out what he wanted. But no amount of time or space would help Magnus put all that mess into some kind of order.

More than anything, more than ever, all Magnus wanted was to wrap himself up in those large, strong arms. Bury his face in that hard but oh so comfortable chest. He wanted it, he yearned to just give in to his deep desire and let Alec shield him from the world and all the pain it's caused him.

But he couldn’t hurt Alec like that, he just couldn’t let him end up like all the others that dared to get too close to him. 

So he did what he did best, and put up his high, firm and concrete walls, staying as far away as possible and letting no one near.

They all tried, but Magnus refused to let anyone else suffer because of him. Because that’s what happened to everyone who tried to help him. Anyone that got too close suffered the consequences.

But Alec was a stubborn boy, and while he didn’t pressure Magnus at all, he also refused to stay away no matter how much Magnus tried to get him to. He came to visit him almost every single day at the hospital, gave him his homework and helped him get it done. Then once he was released, he kept trying to help him whenever he could.

Magnus could tell that he was also holding back, he just knew the other boy was dying to bring it up and talk about it all. He wanted to clear the air between them and get back on track, but he respected Magnus’ wishes and waited for him to make the first step.

No matter how much he wanted, how desperately he ached for it… the invisible force holding him back was stronger than him.

The problem was that it was getting all too heavy to bear all alone. No matter how much he wanted to or tried, he just could’t and he knew that sooner or later he would surely crack. He was basically hanging on by a frail thread ,threatening to rip apart at any given moment.

There was a constant pressure in his chest that wouldn’t let him be, making it so much harder to just breathe properly. It started off as a soft ache in his chest in the mornings, faint but hard to ignore. As the day went on, it got bigger and stronger, growing more painful by the hour, refusing to let him forget for even a moment.

Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was his fathers cold eyes boring into him with a sick, satisfied smirk on his lips, as he aimed a gun at him. Probably the same one he used to kill Ragnor. Poor innocent Ragnor who saved his life when he was a young boy, unknowingly sentencing his own life to doom.

It did not help knowing that the man was dead and buried 10 feet under. He still haunted him, like an invisible shadow over his shoulder. 

He hasn’t had a full night sleep since his first visit to the hospital, and even the few that he had there were medically infused.

The nightmares plagued him with not even an ounce of mercy, getting worse every day. Mostly reliving that same day again and again, watching as Asmodeus shot down every single one of the students. Spraying the walls with blood and dispersing the floors with lifeless limbs.

He would wake up with a jolt, a loud cry on his lips and his whole body covered in cold sweat, and trembling uncontrollably. Much more often than he would like, he woke up the whole household, and moments later either Jocelyn or Luke would show up at his door and try to comfort him.

But of course, Magnus would just push them away, brushing it off as if it were nothing. 

**...**

Alec lay awake in his bed, staring up at the ceiling as his mind raced with millions of thoughts, preventing him from getting any rest. He couldn’t get Magnus out of his mind, the sad, painful look in his eyes shattering his heart. More than anything he just wanted to hold that boy in his arms and shield him, help him fight those demons that clearly won’t let him be.

Outside the morning sun was already shining, and Alec couldn’t remember if he had fallen asleep at some point during the night or had just been up all that time. Either way, he felt exhausted, and his body heavy. He glanced over at his bedside table and reached over to his phone to check the time. 

6:00 am. On a Sunday.

It was still way too early to be up, let alone even attempt to reach out to Magnus in any way, like he wanted to. But he also knew that he would never be able to fall asleep again. So instead he got up and dressed in his training clothes, then grabbed his ball and headed down to their home court.

This was when he loved basketball the most, when it was a true comfort. When he got to enjoy it at his own pace, in his own home space. It allowed him to escape into a headspace that finally calmed his racing thoughts, and chase in his chest.

Until his father walked out of the back door of his house, wearing his running gear. “That’s my boy!” he called out gleefully, as Alec clenched his jaw, hoping to avoid much interaction with the man, just like he had done every day for the past few weeks. 

His mother was off on yet another business trip, and so she was less on his case, but his father more than made up for it. Pestering Alec for the both of them. Luckily his father was a busy man, with running the city and all, and any other time, Alec tried to be anywhere that wasn’t near him.

“Practicing on a Sunday morning, that is dedication right there.” Alec just nodded and hummed in acknowledgment, then shot the ball to the hoop again, “I’m glad _that boy_ at least hasn’t hindered your loyalty to the game.”

“Dad.” Alec warned with a glare, just as the ball shot smoothly through the hoop and net.

“Soon scouts will start showing up to games, including ones from Duke.” his father went on, as he began stretching, “so you better be on your best game, like I know you can.”

“I will.” Alec gritted, just wanted to get his father off his back.

“Good, because this is your big shot.” Thankfully, his father didn’t linger much after that. Alec let out a sigh of relief when his father began his run and was finally out of sight.

The man had been going on and on basketball and scouts, which apparently was more important that his son's well being. Which only made Alec want to quit the game just to spite him.

**…**

The black leather necklace lay cold and heavier than it actually weighed, staring up at him, mocking as Magnus stared back at it with sharp eyes. It had been buried in his drawer since the day Alec gave it to him, but Magnus had picked it up almost every single day to clutch onto it for a bit, let it comfort him for a while before hiding it away again.

Magnus curled his fist around the bracelet, then held it to his chest as he shut his eyes tightly, trying not to imagine the day Alec gave it to him, during their first tutoring session. He tried to conjure up the goofy grin the other boy had on his face at the time, but to no avail.

It was engraved into his mind, and he could picture nothing else against the dark behind his closed lids. 

A soft rasp on his window broke him out of his own mind, as he snapped his eyes open, his heartbeat banging hard and loud against his chest. He quickly threw the bracelet back into the drawer and wiped the few stray tears he hadn’t noticed escaped.

By the time Alec steps through the window and into the room, Magnus is already standing, his gaze firmly on the ground.

“Magnus.”

Against all of his might, Magnus’ eyes slowly ascend at the sound of his name. Alec looked at him with a concerned and vulnerable gaze, one that had Magnus almost melting under it. He had to hold back with every ounce of his self control to not surrender to his body’s will to just step forward and mold himself into Alec.

“I’m sorry, I tried to stay away, and give you your space, but…” Alec’s voice trailed off as he shrugged his shoulder, keeping his whole being open and bare, “I just can’t stand back anymore, and watch you suffer.”

Magnus swallowed around the lump in his throat, struggling to keep himself together and to find what to say. “Alexander…” he whispers, his voice quivering on just that one word. He desperately wanted to walk into those strong arms, allow them to protect him, shield him from the big world.

But when Alec took a tentative step forward, Magnus automatically stepped back and away, even though his entire being screamed at him to finally let go and put down his walls. But it wasn’t that simple.

“Please, Magnus, let me in.” Alec pleaded, and Magnus could see in his eyes how much he wanted the other boy to let him.

“I can’t.” Magnus forced himself to say, his voice strained and barely above a whisper. “You need to go.”

Alec doesn’t budge, however, and just watched Magnus for a long moment in silence, then threw his hands in the air, “Why do you keep pushing me away?” he questions, not unkindly, but definitely with a hint of frustration.

When Magnus just lowered his gaze and played with his rings, without responding, Alec sighed heavily, “even before, no matter how hard I tried, you always keep me at arm's length.” he went on, an edge of desperation in his voice, “you just won’t ever let me all the way in.”

“That’s not true.” Magnus finally managed, his arms folded protectively around himself, wanting nothing more than for the conversation to end. He was never good at them, and it could never possibly end well for him with Alec. 

“Magnus, you’ve barely ever answered any of my questions, you give me as little as you can, and it’s always so cautiously calculated and measured.” Alec seemed exasperated, but his every word was laced with pure honesty and genuine care, “like you’re trying so hard to not get attached, and making sure that I will never have more control than you do.”

“Alexander, please.” Magnus pleaded, but he already knew that Alec was not giving in.

And sure enough, “I’m sorry, Magnus, but I’m not going anywhere.” Alec refused to give in, “and I know that you’re basically counting the days, we’ve had an expiration date from the moment this started, I’ve seen those subtle looks of surprise.”

Magnus bit his bottom lip, and fought with all his might to hold on to the last of his control, to any semblance of holding himself together.

“It’s as if you never actually expect me to come back to you, whenever I leave the room.” Alec’s voice was softer, more quieter now, as he stepped forward, slowly making his way closer to Magnus, “I can barely even begin to imagine the demons you’re battling, and I know it’s scary for you to let me in.”

By then, Alec is right in front of him, Magnus was already too frozen in place to actually move away again, and Alec took that opportunity to step into his space and gently cup his face. “But I’m telling you now, that you can push me away as much as you want, I’ll just keep coming back.”

Alec caressed Magnus’ cheeks with his thumbs, wiping away a few stray tears Magnus hadn’t realised have escaped, “and whatever horror stories you imagine will scare me off, I promise you now that they won’t. Nothing will.” Alec smiled softly at him, “I won’t give up on you, you’re stuck with me.”

Magnus smiled faintly at him, still fighting, against himself, against Alec.

He wanted to say the words, he wanted to share the burden he’s been holding onto for way too long. Magnus was holding on by a thread, he was exhausted and hurting, and yet… he just couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He even opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no words came out. He physically couldn’t.

“Alec, I promise you that I’m okay, I don’t need your help.” he tried to sound convincing and resolute, but it fell flat. Magnus could barely convince himself, and Alec was certainly not convinced. 

His voice was weak, and anything but steady and firm. The way that Alec was looking at him, as if he were boring straight into his soul, and somehow at the same time - as if Magnus were the most beautiful being… It made Magnus feel naked and exposed.

Yet, Magnus held on with every fiber of his being, bracing himself. To the point where he just prayed Alec would just leave already, so he could finally let go.

But Alec wouldn’t budge.

“I told you.” he said with a small shake of his head, “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t change my mind.” his voice remained calm, and steady, in a tone that suggested that it was just ‘as simple as that’.

Magnus frowned and tilted his head ever so slightly, watching Alec watch him with that pure determination and adoring look.

There was Ragnor and Raphael, who were both the firsts to look at him with similar looks, ones that suggested they liked what they saw and that they were there to stay.

But they were both gone now.

And there were the Garroways that took him in, of course. Although, he always assumed it was just a matter of time. And either way, it was never someone who was also willing and wanting to provide him with romantic love.

No one had ever looked at him like Alexander was at that moment.

As that baffling thought consumed him for a split second, he lost a fragment of his control, which was basically all he had left.

It took him a long moment to realise that the loud, painful howl that filled the room next, came from him. By the time he had, his whole body was trembling from the violet sobs, and he was already tumbling to his knees.

Luckily, Alec was already holding onto him, and he lowered himself with Magnus, instantly wrapping his arms around his smaller frame, as Magnus buried his face in his chest, his hands fisting Alec’s shirt and clutching onto his for dear life.

And there, inside the confines of Alec’s strong, guarding arms, wrapped up in his secure embrace, Magnus finally let go. For the first time, in a very long time, if not ever - he felt safe enough to fall apart completely. To hand over the reins to someone else, and just _feel._

Every ache in every nook and cranny. Every opened wound, scar or bruise. Every hidden chip. 

Magnus was vaguely aware of Alec's soft lips against his temple, then his ear, whispering soft, comforting and loving words. Promises he had full intention of keeping. And of his own soft, broken pleas. 

“I’m here, baby, I’m here.” Alec promised as he tightened his hold, pressing him even further into his warm chest, “I won’t give up on you, I promise.”

And for the first time in his life, Magnus actually believed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww! yay! Magnus finally let him in! poor baby... I know his break down was super sad, but it's actually a positive thing because it means he's going to start opening up more to Alec... which means he won't bear all the pain and weight alone anymore...
> 
> so what did you guys think? please let me know :)

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo what are your thoughts? please let me know!
> 
> Also, please come follow me on my Instagram account: [mblwrites](https://www.instagram.com/mblwrites/?hl=en)
> 
> and on [tumblr](https://mblwrites.tumblr.com/)  
> I will also start posting updates and sneak peaks on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Mblwrites/)
> 
> you can also check out my [Blog](https://www.mblwrites.com/)
> 
> Until next time!  
> Love, MBL.


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